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About lincolnick4 : nothing to say about myself really.
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
You sure know how to party?
You posted a comment on the 31st of December between 11pm and 1am. Happy New Year!
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Today, I got a text from someone I met last night at a bar. We texted all day and planned to meet up later. The whole time I had in my mind who he was, but when we met up it was someone completely different that I didn't remember. I had to sit through the whole date pretending I knew him. FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML
Today, I helped my brother propose to his girlfriend of 5 years in the spot where they had first met. As he delivered his heartfelt speech, a sizable crowd appeared. When he got down on one knee, she punched him in the gut, yelled, "I never loved you", and ran away. Now he won't talk to me. FML
Today, I thought that an ingenious way to protest against high tuition prices would be to steal a box of soymilk from my university dining hall. The box exploded in my backpack. Not only did I lose all my soymilk, I now have replace my $120 calculator. FML
Today, I met my birth mother. My dad won't talk to me, my mom won't stop crying and thinks I'm replacing her, and the rest of my family won't stop calling me a bitch. I'm 21, and I just wanted to meet the woman who pushed me head-first out of her vagina. FML
Today, I called work crying, telling them that I wouldn't be able to go to work tomorrow due to my grandmother's sudden and tragic death. After hanging up, I walked into the midnight release of Grand Theft Auto 5. I had no idea my boss was also an avid gamer. FML
Today, a shopper asked me where my nipples were. Seeing as I work in Babies'R'Us, this is a common question. I brought her over to the nursing equipment aisle where she then grabbed my nipples, gave them a twist, and walked away. I need a new job. FML
Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML
Friday 18 April 2014