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life5sucks

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life5sucks
  • Town/Country : langdon, u.s.
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 25 September 1996 (17 years)
  • Number of visits : 148
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About life5sucks : Like to play video games, loves foot ball, and cracking jokes, I'm probably the most random person you'll ever meet

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life5sucks's favorite FMLs

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

#21044971
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47276) - you deserved it (5526)

On 01/30/2014 at 7:34am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in a market in France, and went to ask the seller for some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flustered and instead of saying "pomme de terre", which is the French for potato, I said "pomme de merde". I literally asked for an "apple of shit". FML

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML

#20928358
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38089) - you deserved it (2670)

On 10/20/2013 at 11:51pm - kids - by momaaa1342 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing hysterically, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML

#20868509
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36092) - you deserved it (2463)

On 09/05/2013 at 3:45am - misc - by down trodden (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I ran into my shitlord of an ex at the store. He took one look at me, yelled "You cheating bitch!" in a wounded voice, then walked away, fake-crying. I got so many dirty looks. The worst part is that I dumped him last month for cheating on me with my "best friend." FML

#20827624
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48359) - you deserved it (3196)

On 08/08/2013 at 5:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML

#20823686
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53498) - you deserved it (12884)

On 08/06/2013 at 11:19am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML

#20804580
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44297) - you deserved it (8202)

On 07/26/2013 at 12:25pm - health - by picklebug (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started hysterically laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML

#20787970
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41343) - you deserved it (5741)

On 07/17/2013 at 6:06am - love - by sucker and suckatash/say don't spray - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my boyfriend convinced me do an Insanity workout with him. I passed out during the warmup. FML

#20776146
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41986) - you deserved it (10332)

On 07/11/2013 at 3:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I walked to work. I later discovered that my husband had parked my car in a no-parking area. My job is towing cars. I had to tow my own car. FML

#20775203
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46124) - you deserved it (4542)

On 07/10/2013 at 11:04pm - work - by Anonymous -

Today, whilst driving past a cyclist, I thought it would be funny to make him jump by blasting my horn right behind him and then driving off. I guess he thought it would be funny to catch up with me, yank off my wing-mirror, and hurl it through the open window at my face. FML

Today, our cat died. My five-year-old tried to flush him down the toilet. FML

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

#20617044
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72295) - you deserved it (3138)

On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States

Today, the bar owner I work for told us to pay better attention to our drunk patrons, and to start cutting them off. A fellow bar maid asked how we are supposed to tell when it's time. He pointed at me and said, "When they start hitting on her, they're too drunk to drive." FML

#20141378
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24501) - you deserved it (1718)

On 10/31/2012 at 7:30am - work - by kat (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I wanted to punish a student for being late. I decided to start a pop quiz before he arrived. I was positive there wasn't enough time for him to finish. He scored full marks and I couldn't say a word. FML

#12693453
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7688) - you deserved it (66089)

On 08/23/2010 at 12:18am - kids - by K_M (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)



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