lickmyjock

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lickmyjock

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 7 July 1985 (31 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 6225
  • Number of comments : 761
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About lickmyjock : Do you like candy as much as I do?

lickmyjock's page activity

Visits<b>ZombieSlaya115</b> - yesterday at 4:08pm<b>ruckfules85</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 2:19am<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 6:47pm<b>dramaelf</b> - the 11/12/2015 at 11:35am<b>Meriwether</b> - the 11/11/2015 at 2:10pm<b>c420racer</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 8:00pm<b>Azpy</b> - the 08/24/2015 at 9:13am<b>SheepCouch</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 9:21pm<b>Nickr919</b> - the 07/01/2015 at 2:51pm<b>Driving_Gaming</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 5:33pm<b>pizzzzza</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 3:00am<b>HeXr</b> - the 05/23/2015 at 3:20pm<b>Cautocracy</b> - the 03/30/2015 at 2:18am<b>rylaii</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 4:59am<b>garage</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 11:48pm<b>teentee401</b> - the 11/27/2014 at 9:15pm<b>immadingus</b> - the 11/27/2014 at 4:53am<b>Zx_MaSsAcRe_xZ</b> - the 11/23/2014 at 10:48am

Fucked!<b>ZombieSlaya115</b> - yesterday at 10:08pm

lickmyjock's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

lickmyjock's favorite FMLs

Today, after I got off work, as I walked into the house, I noticed something running across the floor towards me and out of complete terror I kicked it halfway across my living room, not knowing what it was. Turns out it was my roommate's new puppy. FML

by nackpattywhackgiveadogabone / 09/23/2010 at 7:01am / United States (Arizona) / Animals

Today, I discovered that if I put my ankles on my boyfriends shoulders while we are having sex, I will pee myself. FML

by noname / 09/22/2010 at 1:37am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, I ran over my neighbors' cat. I didn't want it to look like I killed it, so I put it under my other neighbor's car so it would look like they ran over it. The cat's owners were watching me. FML

by awesome / 09/21/2010 at 12:49am / United States (Arizona) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend questioned why I always put my shirts in the dryer right before wearing them. I told him it was because the dryer causes my shirts to regain their form and tightness. His response: "You should throw your vagina in there along with them." FML

by FYouBoyfriend / 08/30/2010 at 1:51pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite" now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2010 at 5:15am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I was driving home with my dad after buying a new truck. We were on the freeway and the engine wasn't revving up very much. My dad thought that something was wrong with my transmission, so he reached over to change gears. Most cars won't go into reverse at high speeds. Mine does. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2010 at 7:28pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML

by XxMe123xx / 08/18/2010 at 8:51pm / Intimacy

Today, I spent 2 hours doing my hair, doing my make-up, and picking out an outfit to meet some men. On chatroulette. FML

by leapple / 03/13/2010 at 8:17pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I found out exactly what Ducolax stool softener is all about. Holy colon cleanse Batman! FML

by Username / 03/03/2010 at 11:34am / Health

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

by syl / 02/11/2010 at 1:18am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I was letting my boyfriend of 4 years tie me up and do stuff to me. After finishing on my face, he then left. My parents had to untie me. FML

by chanclepants / 01/27/2010 at 8:35am / Intimacy

Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2009 at 2:08am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2009 at 2:08am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, at 2 in the morning, a noisy work crew started up in the parking lot next to my apartment. What were they doing at that ungodly hour? Installing a light that now shines right into my window. FML

by theropod / 11/15/2009 at 2:45pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML

by loldick / 11/15/2009 at 1:28pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy