lemonbeat

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Offline (the 09/04/2014 at 4:45pm)

lemonbeat

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 886
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About lemonbeat : I'm too nice._.
Bay Area
NY
Hawaii

lemonbeat's page activity

Visits<b>BadddWolf</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 3:17pm<b>WillowB47</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 3:04am<b>Sebastian2022</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 1:25am<b>aa1717</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 5:27pm<b>pandasaresocute</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 10:53am<b>MissDarkness</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 8:32pm<b>AnaMoore</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 11:33am<b>djoudjou7598</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 5:48am<b>Emiler98</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 10:51pm<b>JuzReading</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 6:29pm<b>Larissa24</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 1:24am<b>PerSueTwo513</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 5:01pm<b>izbechillin</b> - the 06/01/2014 at 5:59pm<b>ironfey</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 8:28pm<b>CandyPewPewPew</b> - the 05/25/2014 at 3:06pm<b>Bluebl4ze</b> - the 05/20/2014 at 9:21am<b>user51020</b> - the 05/15/2014 at 8:04am<b>Faddyy6</b> - the 05/12/2014 at 9:31am

lemonbeat's FML badges

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lemonbeat's favorite FMLs

Today, my fiancée has been saying, "Shit's gone cray-cray" for over a week. I finally snapped. When I was done ranting, she murmured, "Baby, don't be cray-cray". FML

by oh my fucking god / 07/10/2014 at 9:34am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Love

Today, a guy at work pulled me aside to tell me that I probably shouldn't be working a job where I have to interact with customers, because of my autism. I don't have autism. FML

by Badatlife / 06/23/2014 at 12:19pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, while ringing up a girl, I asked for an ID to verify her credit card. She said she forgot it but pulls out her Facebook on her phone to show me it really is hers. FML

by Axelerate / 06/21/2014 at 2:49am / United States (Nevada) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my doctor got my blood test results from the lab. He looked at me gravely and told me I had just weeks left to live. After I started hyperventilating and crying, he burst out laughing and said he was kidding. He then prescribed me some iron tablets and sent me on my way. FML

by legitfile.bat.virus.exe / 06/20/2014 at 7:03pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML

by Alex / 06/20/2014 at 6:05pm / United Kingdom (Ealing) / Kids

Today, I was out shopping with my mom. While we were walking, a guy in a car honked at me. I'm not used to compliments, so I was pretty flattered and flashed him a smile. He looked back at me, confused, then shook his head and pointed at my mom. FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2014 at 7:36pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML

by green and not with envy / 06/13/2014 at 4:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my girlfriend sent me a text message confessing that she's been cheating on me. Apparently she regretted telling me the truth, because when I confronted her face-to-face, she claimed her roommate had sent it as a prank. She doesn't have a roommate. FML

by Anonymous / 06/08/2014 at 2:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I took my driving test. I had pulled out of my three point turn in a neighborhood and started driving again, thinking something wasn't quite right. The lady testing me looked over at me and said, "Sweetie, you're driving on the wrong side of the road." FML

by Lindsey / 05/24/2014 at 11:22am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally brought a girl home from college. While I was making her some coffee, my roommate came down in her underwear, pretended to be my girlfriend, and asked if we were having a threesome. My date left before I could explain, and my roommate thinks it's fucking hilarious. FML

by GimmeLaCoffee / 05/15/2014 at 9:03am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while at work, I asked an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarified that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. FML

by oh god. / 05/14/2014 at 7:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, my girlfriend admitted to my best friend that she basically just sees me as a dildo with annoying emotions. FML

by taintedlover / 05/13/2014 at 5:31pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

by Jarool / 05/12/2014 at 3:41pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I love him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML

by not gay in AL / 05/11/2014 at 1:57pm / United States / Love

Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML

by Anonymous / 05/07/2014 at 11:57pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work