About lemonbeat : I'm too nice._.
About lemonbeat : I'm too nice._.
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lemonbeat's favorite FMLs
by oh my fucking god / 07/10/2014 at 9:34am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Love
by Badatlife / 06/23/2014 at 12:19pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
by Axelerate / 06/21/2014 at 2:49am / United States (Nevada) / Work
Today, my doctor got my blood test results from the lab. He looked at me gravely and told me I had just weeks left to live. After I started hyperventilating and crying, he burst out laughing and said he was kidding. He then prescribed me some iron tablets and sent me on my way. FML
by legitfile.bat.virus.exe / 06/20/2014 at 7:03pm / United States (California) / Health
by Alex / 06/20/2014 at 6:05pm / United Kingdom (Ealing) / Kids
Today, I was out shopping with my mom. While we were walking, a guy in a car honked at me. I'm not used to compliments, so I was pretty flattered and flashed him a smile. He looked back at me, confused, then shook his head and pointed at my mom. FML
by Anonymous / 06/13/2014 at 7:36pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML
by green and not with envy / 06/13/2014 at 4:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, my girlfriend sent me a text message confessing that she's been cheating on me. Apparently she regretted telling me the truth, because when I confronted her face-to-face, she claimed her roommate had sent it as a prank. She doesn't have a roommate. FML
by Anonymous / 06/08/2014 at 2:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I took my driving test. I had pulled out of my three point turn in a neighborhood and started driving again, thinking something wasn't quite right. The lady testing me looked over at me and said, "Sweetie, you're driving on the wrong side of the road." FML
by Lindsey / 05/24/2014 at 11:22am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally brought a girl home from college. While I was making her some coffee, my roommate came down in her underwear, pretended to be my girlfriend, and asked if we were having a threesome. My date left before I could explain, and my roommate thinks it's fucking hilarious. FML
by GimmeLaCoffee / 05/15/2014 at 9:03am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, while at work, I asked an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarified that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. FML
by oh god. / 05/14/2014 at 7:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work
by taintedlover / 05/13/2014 at 5:31pm / United States (Washington) / Love
by Jarool / 05/12/2014 at 3:41pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by not gay in AL / 05/11/2014 at 1:57pm / United States / Love
Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML
by Anonymous / 05/07/2014 at 11:57pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
- Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you… Today, my phone provider informed me that I had 12 messages waiting for me on my voicemail. Happy… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that…