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leathernuts's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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leathernuts's favorite FMLs
Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying "If god doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML
Today, as I was crossing a street, a car hit me and broke two of my ribs. The driver was too busy paying attention to his girlfriend who was giving him a blowjob from the passenger seat. I could see the look of ecstasy on his face as he rammed into me and drove off without noticing. FML
by Sean / 08/14/2016 at 12:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
by BodyElectric / 07/26/2016 at 1:06am / Animals
by Anonymous / 07/01/2016 at 2:24pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/01/2016 at 12:23pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Kids
by Jif_Creamy / 02/28/2016 at 12:00am / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, the play I was directing opened. The curtain opened, and my lead actor and actress weren't prepared. I could tell from the looks on their faces as the whole audience saw him balls deep in her, doggy style, on stage. FML
by headinabag33 / 02/14/2016 at 8:57pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by Lord_Nick / 02/03/2016 at 10:13pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
by notsoproudfather / 02/01/2016 at 10:54am / India (Maharashtra) / Kids
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
by Anonymous / 11/21/2015 at 5:03am / United States (California) / Health
by strawberry / 11/17/2015 at 12:51pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, my car is being repaired, so I had to catch a bus to work. When the bus came, the driver pulled toward the curb and gunned it through a large puddle of water, then pulled away and continued down the road, leaving me soaking wet. FML
by Anonymous / 08/19/2015 at 9:54am / Norway (Oslo) / Transportation
Today, my sister recorded the sound of me having intense diarrhea, retching at the stench, and eventually breaking down in tears. I only found out when I saw she'd posted it online, with the caption "lol #gaytard #sorrynotsorry". I've never been called a pussy by so many people before. FML
by Anonymous / 08/19/2015 at 8:14am / United States (California) / Health
Today, while at my shitty, minimum wage job at McDonalds, a guy walked out of the bathroom. He said "Good luck in there." worriedly, then left. I don't know if it was his handiwork, but it looked like a shit grenade had detonated. It was even on the walls. FML
by don't get paid enough for this / 07/10/2015 at 10:20pm / United States (Ohio) / Work
Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML
by stillhungry / 06/27/2015 at 2:37pm / United States (California) / Love
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of…