About lastsinglepanda : " I'm not young enough to know everything so if stupidity got us into this, then why can't it get us out again? "
lastsinglepanda's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
lastsinglepanda's favorite FMLs
by zamwow / 12/20/2013 at 6:36pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, my elderly neighbor along with our community church's priest came to my house and demanded to "give them the girl". The girl is my 3-year-old daughter, who has natural born red irises and is photo-sensitive. And yes, we are also Romanian. FML
by OakStake / 12/08/2013 at 5:07pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I had to go to a big dinner with my insane relatives. Highlights of conversation included my sister telling us about the "country of Iowa", my dad accusing me of faking my chronic fatigue syndrome, and my grandpa claiming that Nelson Mandela is the Antichrist. FML
by FUCK ME, MAKE IT STOP / 11/01/2013 at 2:38pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML
by vcarder / 10/04/2013 at 4:25pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Nice Melons / 09/29/2013 at 5:12pm / United States / Work
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner and have to leave in shame. FML
by :( / 09/28/2013 at 5:24pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
Today, I went to a really important job interview. During it, I accidentally let out a burp, came down with nervous hiccups, and when I tried to quietly ease out some painful gas that was building up, it came out as a massive, rancid fart. I'll definitely be unemployed for a while yet. FML
by ;_;" / 09/27/2013 at 5:33pm / Lebanon (Beyrouth) / Work
Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML
by SerenityJ / 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I woke up from a night of heavy drinking to find my girlfriend dumped me. Apparently I drunk-called her last night and told her that someone as beautiful as her could be with someone way better than me. She agreed. FML
by drinkdrankdrunk / 09/27/2013 at 3:33am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, my gran came over for dinner, for which I had to go grab some supplies from the supermarket. I guess I should have locked my laptop, because when I came back, I found my gran had used my Facebook account to propose to my now-ecstatic girlfriend. FML
by my gran is a cuntwaffle / 09/26/2013 at 4:36pm / United Kingdom / Love
by nicetomeetyou2 / 09/25/2013 at 12:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML
by Craigslist is Evil. / 09/24/2013 at 2:12pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
by saraitkddh / 09/24/2013 at 1:51pm / Lebanon / Miscellaneous
Today, on the bus, when I was asking my 6-year-old son what he wanted for Christmas, a stranger came up to us and yelled at him about how Santa Claus is not real, that his "parents are fucking liars" and that he should "never listen to anything one of those fuckers says." FML
by n1a1t1h1a1n1 / 12/11/2012 at 2:15am / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 12/10/2012 at 3:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
- Today, I woke up to find a blueberry sitting in my bathroom sink. This incident would normally be… Today, my new husband and I embarked on our honeymoon together that has been months in the planning… Today, my boyfriend dumped me. One reason was because he couldn't have "intellectual conversations"…