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laden_swallow09

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laden_swallow09

31Fucked!

laden_swallow09laden_swallow09
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 23 June 1989 (26 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 12215
  • Number of comments : 2820
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About laden_swallow09 : They updated the App, so I can read my hate mail! Yay!

I really wish I could take back some of my FYL or YDI votes, since I tend to miss the button I'm aiming for.

I like to point out stupidity whenever I see it, but that's likely why you're here on my profile, innit?

"It's now very common for them to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that,' as if that gives them certain rights. It's no more than a whine. It has no meaning. It has no purpose. It has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what?" – Stephen Fry, actor/comedian

If you're thinking about getting an iPhone 6/+, don't. They're way too big.

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot…
HEIL, SPELLCHECK!

laden_swallow09's page activity

Visits<b>dontlookman</b> - the 08/02/2015 at 7:26pm<b>Smooth_Criminal</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 1:51pm<b>16bees</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 12:55pm<b>merickaa</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 10:38am<b>enginsteve</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 3:45am<b>Wontonfon</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 1:54am<b>Supaviper</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 8:45pm<b>qjdb</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 6:53pm<b>llamingo</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 3:22pm<b>Laeffy</b> - the 07/25/2015 at 6:52pm<b>talking_toilet</b> - the 07/25/2015 at 5:26pm<b>PhillyEagle</b> - the 07/25/2015 at 1:22pm<b>meowmerz</b> - the 07/25/2015 at 5:42am<b>zebbre</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 3:19am<b>nutinbuttkatze</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 11:51pm<b>blake1015</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 12:49pm<b>blackhawkdown69</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 5:49pm<b>Artigedude65</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 8:00am

Fucked!<b>eski2015</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 6:10am<b>ThatGuy878</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 10:42pm<b>saffy66</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 5:10pm<b>JayGatsby</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 5:25am<b>milkie</b> - the 06/23/2015 at 8:16pm<b>AddictGamer</b> - the 06/08/2015 at 6:25am<b>FitFriday</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 7:46pm<b>RealSuperSand</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 2:13pm<b>Johnnycake23</b> - the 04/25/2015 at 3:29am<b>Teckzilla</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 5:50pm<b>apineapple</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 6:45am<b>Kazze</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 12:53am<b>Zigstyle308</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 11:18am<b>TheTrainKid</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 9:44pm<b>Ingalls9</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 10:04pm<b>csjc</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 5:47am<b>demonddm</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 2:39pm<b>ksks1234</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 7:03pm

laden_swallow09's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

See all of laden_swallow09's badges

laden_swallow09's favorite FMLs

Today, I responded to an argument with my girlfriend by only using comebacks she'd used in previous arguments. I'm single now. FML

#21451268
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17982) - you deserved it (7777)

On 08/03/2015 at 10:14am - love - by Cygnus - United States (Iowa)

Today, my business got broken into and I lost a lot of valuable equipment. Although I have 24/7 security guards, they left in the middle of the burglary because they were too scared to stop the burglars or even to call the police. FML

#21449035
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26254) - you deserved it (2078)

On 07/29/2015 at 11:30am - money - by fukingtigans (man) - Croatia (Zadarska)

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

#21448216
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26521) - you deserved it (2086)

On 07/27/2015 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I pulled several socks from under my son's bed. I spent far too long trying to figure out why they were so stiff before I finally realized. FML

#21446754
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28190) - you deserved it (4693)

On 07/24/2015 at 10:04pm - kids - by Sad Mom - United States (Texas)

Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML

#21446517
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24947) - you deserved it (2224)

On 07/24/2015 at 12:44pm - intimacy - by fuck (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I went out to inspect the backyard. There are now more than two dozen spiders hanging out and webs crossing from one side of the yard to the other. I have decided to surrender this territory. FML

#21445864
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23116) - you deserved it (2492)

On 07/23/2015 at 5:44am - animals - by Skoff (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was talking to my friend, who was telling me he's having suicidal thoughts lately. He then said he'd be back in a few minutes. Nearly an hour passed. I panicked, thinking he'd offed himself. Several minutes after I called the emergency services, he messaged me, saying "K, back." FML

#21443864
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25715) - you deserved it (2745)

On 07/19/2015 at 2:49am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I watched a young shop assistant try her hardest to flirt with my 20-year-old son. When he continued to be totally oblivious, she outright invited him back to her flat. When he asked, "What for?" a piece of my soul died at how completely I have failed as a father. FML

#21442690
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31871) - you deserved it (4204)

On 07/16/2015 at 6:21pm - kids - by anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was yelled at by a bunch of angry people because I couldn't physically move out of the way while 10 more tried to force their way onto a subway in Shanghai. Then one old lady started hitting me with her purse to get me to move even more. FML

#21440904
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22307) - you deserved it (1756)

On 07/13/2015 at 5:45am - misc - by anonymous - China (Shanghai)

Today, my bosses were boasting about their work-funded retreat, including the $1,800 bottle of wine the company paid for. This would be fine if they hadn't just told me there are no funds to pay me for the work they've got me doing. We are also the biggest company in our industry. FML

#21440819
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25069) - you deserved it (1600)

On 07/13/2015 at 1:06am - work - by Wolfrunner87 (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, a customer berated me and told me to stop whining because I have to work on the weekend. What did I do to deserve this? I said, "Hi, how are you doing today?" FML

#21440412
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23553) - you deserved it (1603)

On 07/12/2015 at 9:11am - work - by retail hell (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my wife was in seemingly never-ending labor. It got so bad, I overheard a nurse in the doorway mutter to a coworker that she hoped my baby would just die or something, so she could finally go take a smoke break. FML

#21439756
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35477) - you deserved it (1695)

On 07/10/2015 at 9:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I finally finished downloading a 60GB TV series after two weeks of waiting. Every single "episode" turned out to be Rick Astley singing Never Gonna Give You Up, on constant repeat. I almost respect the prankster's effort enough to not want to gut him like a fish. Almost. FML

#21439737
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27663) - you deserved it (7328)

On 07/10/2015 at 8:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was at work at a supermarket straightening shelves in the food aisles. Just as I had finished and got ready to clock out, I heard a giant crash. A lady in a motor scooter knocked over an entire aisle of canned goods. She got up and walked away just fine, pretending nothing happened. FML

Today, my new antidepressants finally kicked in. I switched to them to try to control my anxiety. Turns out that the most common side effect, funnily enough, is nervousness. Guess I should've done more research. FML

#21438172
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19326) - you deserved it (3825)

On 07/07/2015 at 8:52pm - health - by BigHelp (man) - United States (Colorado)



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