Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (2 hours ago) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4924
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About kylie31 : I have always considered myself a reasonably intelligent and pretty confident person (also super modest).

I am not one for writting bio information. I hate bio information. But I have succumbed to peer pressure and have poured myself a glass of wine. Perhaps this glass of wine has sparked something in me to write some silly information under this 'about you' section. I hate wine!

So something about me. I have noticed alot of people write quotes they live by. I hate quotes! Dodgy dumb quotes are dopey. Like I hate statuses that say 'like for like'!!! Do you think the likes of Charles Darwin, Da Vinci, Einstein and Galileao got to where they did from writting 'like for a like'? And no, it wasn't because they didn't have facebook, it was because they weren't braindead shits. Now go forth, live by your own experience and knowledge and invent your own standards to live by. I must mention I do like Dalai Lama quotes- they are good. I like Dalai Lama quotes.

kylie31's page activity

Visits<b>juice_33</b> - 6 hours ago<b>youngmuller1</b> - 18 hours ago<b>Mackade</b> - 20 hours ago<b>Toonice45</b> - 21 hours ago<b>LaceysBabe</b> - yesterday at 12:19pm<b>stuckintime</b> - yesterday at 5:20am<b>10nachoman10</b> - yesterday at 10:13pm<b>erindgentry</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 7:51pm<b>DerBuchmacher</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 10:56am<b>AdrianFoo21</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 9:17pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 8:20am<b>blackfire20</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 1:10am<b>victordstory</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 11:40pm<b>missa8604</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 10:50pm<b>Seashells77</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 7:04am<b>BstMode</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 5:26am<b>Mons</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 12:39am<b>El_Mojiiito</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 7:09pm

Fucked!<b>LaceysBabe</b> - yesterday at 6:19pm<b>stuckintime</b> - yesterday at 11:20am<b>AdrianFoo21</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 3:17am<b>Nahpets</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 6:15am<b>Arni792</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 5:41am<b>rookworst</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 11:43pm<b>keithsbooty</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 11:35pm<b>bigcountry13</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 12:40pm<b>disgruntledchef</b> - the 11/17/2015 at 10:08pm<b>rootbeercheese8</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 4:59am<b>boultzboi</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 6:08am<b>Tenker</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 5:40am<b>ScenePanda45</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 4:14am<b>DemonBoy1988</b> - the 11/12/2015 at 10:51am<b>A07</b> - the 11/12/2015 at 7:27am<b>Balaj</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 12:00am<b>RusticChick</b> - the 11/08/2015 at 11:49am<b>Xaian1</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 11:43am

kylie31's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

I NEED to know!

You went as far as reading the terms of use. You’re a total FML completist.

See all of kylie31's badges

kylie31's favorite FMLs

Today, while out grocery shopping with my mother, she asked me to hold a large bag of rice for her. Ten minutes later, I realized I'd been absent-mindedly stroking it the whole time, just like when I pick up my cat. FML

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML


I agree, your life sucks (44827) - you deserved it (4458)

On 07/07/2014 at 11:59am - animals - by ADanceWithDavos (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52387) - you deserved it (7909)

On 06/11/2014 at 6:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was really hungry at work, and my stomach growled loudly. One of my co-workers heard it and thought it was a cat. Ashamed, I played dumb and we ended up spending twenty minutes looking for a cat that I knew didn't exist. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43196) - you deserved it (18681)

On 06/10/2014 at 9:01pm - animals - by imalosertho (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I had to go to the police station after my son got arrested for shoplifting 15 packs of gum. He got away with it at first, but got busted when he tried to return it all because he "didn't like the flavor". FML


I agree, your life sucks (53057) - you deserved it (8721)

On 06/10/2014 at 8:39pm - kids - by idiotson - United States (New York)

Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies, when a kid came over, yelled "CUP CHECK!" and nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Millions of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatass mom did was chuckle nervously and pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML


I agree, your life sucks (50477) - you deserved it (5112)

On 06/07/2014 at 5:16pm - health - by wish his dad had worn one (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, trying to be nice, I added this really shy kid from my English class on Facebook. Within minutes, he started going through all my pictures and tagging himself as my breasts. FML


I agree, your life sucks (50284) - you deserved it (9642)

On 05/17/2014 at 12:54pm - misc - by creepyyy (woman) - United States

Today, I received yet another rejection letter from a college I'd applied to. After crying for a week about how lousy I felt, my older sister gave me all 6 of the acceptance letters she'd been hiding. Turns out she's been forging rejection letters and keeping the real ones in her room. FML


I agree, your life sucks (71165) - you deserved it (5290)

On 05/15/2014 at 1:40am - misc - by livingamongtheflowers - United States

Today, I flexed so hard for a selfie, I gave myself a hernia. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23829) - you deserved it (68372)

On 05/13/2014 at 7:46pm - health - by ShutTheFuCupcake (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I retrieved the wrong luggage from an airport carousel. I'm now the owner of two water-bras, a false beard, a bag of cat litter, and some anal beads. I am afraid to get in touch with the original owner. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40774) - you deserved it (5978)

On 05/07/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by BaggedDown (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my art teacher showed off a painting of his name he got in Japan. I can read Japanese, and it actually says "Old idiot". I really don't want to break it to him. FML


I agree, your life sucks (48365) - you deserved it (5029)

On 05/04/2014 at 2:12am - misc - by Sam (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML


I agree, your life sucks (32969) - you deserved it (17110)

On 03/23/2014 at 11:40pm - misc - by chocochoco - United States (New York)

Today, I was texting an artist friend telling her I wanted to buy her paintings; going on and on about how much I wanted it and loved the way they looked and couldn't wait to have them. I realized my phone had corrected paintings to panties. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40171) - you deserved it (5305)

On 03/19/2014 at 7:19pm - misc - by BigBlue (man) - United States (Washington)

Mselle Risa's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • FML Pics : The top 4 pics
  • They say that a picture is worth a boring bunch of words thrown at you by a corporate robot. That's true. Corporate robots are the worst. Anyway, the FML Pics app is still being downloaded all over the…

Tuesday 24 November 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: