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About kylie31 : I have always considered myself a reasonably intelligent and pretty confident person (also super modest).
I am not one for writting bio information. I hate bio information. But I have succumbed to peer pressure and have poured myself a glass of wine. Perhaps this glass of wine has sparked something in me to write some silly information under this 'about you' section. I hate wine!
So something about me. I have noticed alot of people write quotes they live by. I hate quotes! Dodgy dumb quotes are dopey. Like I hate statuses that say 'like for like'!!! Do you think the likes of Charles Darwin, Da Vinci, Einstein and Galileao got to where they did from writting 'like for a like'? And no, it wasn't because they didn't have facebook, it was because they weren't braindead shits. Now go forth, live by your own experience and knowledge and invent your own standards to live by. I must mention I do like Dalai Lama quotes- they are good. I like Dalai Lama quotes.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
One more and it's business time
You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.
Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML
Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML
Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayne Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML
Today, at work, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head on my cash register. A second later, I heard roaring laughter from the security room, followed by someone saying to play it back. I'd almost convinced myself it wasn't about me, when one of the guys came out and gave me a thumb up. FML
On 02/01/2015 at 4:12pm - misc - by TheTacoMan -
Today, I took my driving test. I was really nervous, but I thought I did pretty well in the end. That is until I parked the car and looked to the examiner. He was visibly shaken. He said I'd passed, quickly filled in the paperwork and left. On the downside, my car still smells of his shart. FML
Today, while heading to the bathroom, I saw my girlfriend putting some lingerie under my bed. I stupidly thought it was for some sexy time later. Well, later on, she dramatically "found" the lingerie and broke up with me. Almost everyone believes her story and thinks I'm a dirty cheater. FML
Today, I am struggling with exhaustion due to insomnia. The reason I cannot sleep is crippling anxiety - not about my complicated romantic situation, my pileup of work, or even my relationship with my father. No, I'm afraid of a blind ship captain I saw in a dream three days ago. FML
Friday 12 February 2016