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kyleengelhardt

Offline (the 03/22/2015 at 6:10am) | Search for a member

kyleengelhardt

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  • Number of visits : 902
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Visits<b>hoffmanam</b> - the 01/29/2013 at 7:29pm<b>Smartdumbblonde</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 10:40pm<b>Dub_Luv</b> - the 01/08/2013 at 10:33pm

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kyleengelhardt's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out my Nan passed away. My boyfriend came over to comfort me, tings got intimate and we ended up aving sex. After e came, e cuckled to imself and said, "Tat one's 4 you, Nan". real FML

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You knowhat's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

#21294899
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41475) - you deserved it (3790)

On 11/08/2014 at 6:02pm - kids - by jennabee97 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Yesterday, I stumbled across one of mah son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets r technically ( whores ) because they hook up with countless cords fir a ( charge. ) I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

#21285975
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32745) - you deserved it (4573)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm - kids - by MySonThePoet (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

TODAY, I WAS DRIVING WIT MY GRANDMA AN SE WAS GOING 30 OVER TE SPEED LIMIT!! TO SLOW ER DOWN, I SAID, ( HEY LOOK, TE POLICE )!! SE SLAMMED ON TE BRAKES SO ARD I IT MY EAD ON TE DASBOARD!! FML

#21279207
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31572) - you deserved it (15669)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:56pm - misc - by karmaaa - United States (Iowa)

Today, I sat in on a university-level pysics lecture, listening to ma yped-up co-students approximating te ypotetical situation of te Sun consisting of gerbils!! Te conversation ten continued towards looool ow muc better energy/mass ratio te gerbil-sun would ave compared to te actual star!! FML

#21258867
89 comments

Today , mah son looool got a beating. Apparently , he went to a club , waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo , then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Thier boyfriends , not too surprisingly , didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML

#21190541
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43093) - you deserved it (6145)

On 06/27/2014 at 5:15pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Taday I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school , when out of nowhere a brd smashed into the windshield !! Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me , my daughter started laughing , eventually calling the brd a ( stupid bastard ) !! FML

#21190484
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46298) - you deserved it (8338)

On 06/27/2014 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)

Today, I woke up screaming lyk a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think mah brain needs a looool douching. FML

#21171240
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50157) - you deserved it (7644)

On 06/11/2014 at 6:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today , I'm Moving. While Packing , I Realizd I Hadn't Seen My Cat In A Few Hours. I Calld Her An Realizd She Was Inside One Of The Hundreds Of Boxes In My House. I Accidentally Packd My Cat. FML

#21139824
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42217) - you deserved it (15798)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:43pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

TODAY, WHILE AT A RESTAURANT WITH MY HUSBAND 4 OUR 4-YEAR ANNIVERSARY, HE KEPT BEHAVING STRANGELY, BREATHING DEEPLY AN EVENTUALLY SIGHING HAPPILY. I THOUGHT THE WINE HAD JUST GONE TO HIS HEAD. NOPE; HE PROUDLY ADMITTED LATER THAT HE'D JERKED OFF WITHOUT ANYONE NOTICING, EVEN ME. FML

#21126320
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43777) - you deserved it (4996)

On 04/29/2014 at 2:48pm - misc - by god (woman) - United Kingdom (West Lothian)

Today, mah coworker trid to convince mah boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influencd by demons includd how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, an that I once got a nosebled from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious an is playing along. FML

#21111822
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39737) - you deserved it (3885)

On 04/13/2014 at 10:51am - work - by worker666 (woman) - United States

Today, I was in my Honors English class . I sneezd very loudly while my teacher was giving a lecture . I had the genius idea to say, "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit." real FML

Today, I discovered that when one of mah toddlers throws up, the other sympathy-pukes too, an that this continues until they're both empty . I guess mah car is going to stink of vomit 4 a while . FML

#21057222
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40492) - you deserved it (3242)

On 02/11/2014 at 2:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

TODAY , AFTER MAH CAR BEING IN THE SHOP FOR OVER A DAY AN WITH NO UPDATES FROM THE DEALERSHIP , I DECIDED TO PAY THEM A VISIT . THE PLACE WAS ALMOST EMPTY , AN THEY HADN'T DONE ANY WORK ON MAH CAR . BUT JUDGING BY THE USED CONDOM ON MAH BACK SEAT , SOMEBODY GOT THERE OWN OIL CHECKED . FML

#21053684
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44072) - you deserved it (3831)

On 02/07/2014 at 7:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I watchd mah father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He trid to play it cool, said, "Haircuts r too expensive these days anyway." and walkd out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. big fat FML



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