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kschoenecker's FML badges
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kschoenecker's favorite FMLs
Today, I was at a restaurant with my kids. I told my 13 year old about how the very first time she said she loved me. She was 2 and it was at this very restaurant. I told her the details and even started tearing up a little. She didn't even look up from her cell phone and said, "That's fab, ma." FML
by Anonymous / 05/10/2012 at 4:33pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, I got into an argument with my mother, when she snapped and called me a son of a bitch. I said that made no sense, because I'm a girl, and it'd only really confirm that she's a bitch. She then grounded me for insulting her. FML
by KC / 04/25/2012 at 4:06pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Kids
Today, my parents went out of town and I was home all alone. I put up party decorations such as streamers, balloons and confetti. Then, I drank out of red cups, crushed them up and put them all over the house. I didn't have a party, I just wanted to convince my family that I'm not a loser. FML
by Jaclk / 04/24/2012 at 5:28pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I gave in and let my friend give me a makeover. She couldn't find my eyelash curler, but decided that if she used scissors lightly, it would work just the same. Needless to say, it did not work. FML
by neveragain / 03/16/2012 at 1:11am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/22/2012 at 12:42am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML
by Anonymous / 02/15/2012 at 9:03pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by anonymous / 02/11/2012 at 12:57am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I was invited over by my girlfriend's parents, but I couldn't bring myself to take part in their discussions. During a lull in conversation, I noticed everyone was staring at me. Covering myself while I tried to think of something to say, I grabbed an apple and took a bite. It was plastic. FML
by Bonapp / 02/09/2012 at 5:11pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, while sitting on the toilet, I noticed there was no toilet paper left, so I dug through my purse to use my one and only pad as a substitute. It clogged the toilet, and I started my period ten minutes later. FML
by Anonymous / 02/09/2012 at 4:42pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by SocialAnxietyNightmare / 02/09/2012 at 11:42am / United Kingdom (London) / Health
Today, I had to sit my 13-year-old son down and explain to him that I'd noticed that his pajamas feel a little "crispy" when I pick them up to do the laundry, and ask if he could start using tissues when having some "alone time." FML
by stainseverywhere / 02/01/2012 at 2:11am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 08/29/2011 at 2:47pm / United States (New York) / Animals
by Tabby / 08/06/2011 at 4:39pm / United Kingdom / Kids
by INside / 08/02/2011 at 12:52am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, while in line at a gas station, I felt something on my shoulder. I turned around only to see a woman behind me pulling the sunburnt skin off my shoulder. When I told her to stop, she yelled, hit me with her purse and ran off crying. FML
by therundown / 07/20/2011 at 9:38am / United States (Ohio) / Health