kitties

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kitties

7Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Saturday 30 December 1989 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 47109
  • Number of comments : 209
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

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kitties's page activity

Visits<b>BananEnigma</b> - the 04/13/2016 at 4:38am<b>vincentjules</b> - the 04/06/2016 at 5:05pm<b>finchy420</b> - the 03/26/2016 at 6:01am<b>feven</b> - the 03/17/2016 at 7:23pm<b>itssnotfunny</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 12:39am<b>joco4</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 11:55pm<b>zilfy</b> - the 12/17/2015 at 9:48pm<b>dno79</b> - the 12/13/2015 at 11:47am<b>TSFboy</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 9:39pm<b>jackipdoc</b> - the 11/09/2015 at 9:07pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 10:19pm<b>barisozdemir</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 6:01pm<b>2C0OL4SCH0OL</b> - the 10/31/2015 at 5:06pm<b>chronicB</b> - the 10/25/2015 at 11:10am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 10/24/2015 at 7:12am<b>PlagueofFiction</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 12:59am<b>pokysmalls</b> - the 09/13/2015 at 2:12am<b>jet223</b> - the 08/25/2015 at 12:50pm

Fucked!<b>dno79</b> - the 12/13/2015 at 5:47pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/05/2015 at 4:19am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 10/24/2015 at 1:12pm<b>PlagueofFiction</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 6:59am<b>pokysmalls</b> - the 09/13/2015 at 8:12am<b>kittykat1501</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 2:53am<b>Raltizal</b> - the 04/05/2015 at 10:42am

kitties's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of kitties's badges

kitties's favorite FMLs

Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2012 at 4:04pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy

Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2012 at 4:04pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy

Today, after having finally kicked my insomnia's ass after three hours, I was woken up by something I only thought happened in movies. Someone had paid for a Mariachi band to play for their girlfriend, outside my apartment, in the middle of the night. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2012 at 5:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML

by DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE / 11/22/2012 at 4:03pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML

by mm / 11/12/2012 at 12:27pm / United Kingdom (Warrington) / Miscellaneous

Today, as my girlfriend and I were finishing up a romantic dinner, she gazed into my eyes for a moment and said, "You know, sometimes you look like a character from Sesame Street." FML

by derve / 11/07/2012 at 6:48pm / United States / Love

Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML

by Squid / 11/07/2012 at 12:11am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me by saying, "It's not you, it's me. I have a terrible taste in women." FML

by LonelyMe / 10/30/2012 at 9:27am / Love

Today, maintenance came to fix the constantly beeping alarm system near my apartment. They changed it from beeping on-and-off to one never-ending beep, similar to the sound of my sanity flat-lining. FML

by tcm123 / 10/29/2012 at 12:31am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

by Medic / 10/28/2012 at 11:10pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, my mom called me an asshole. She was embarrassed when she saw that a visiting family member had overheard, and tried to cover it up with, "Honey, you are a casserole! You are just delicious, any guy is gonna want you sweetie!" She honestly thought this would work. FML

by Agirl / 10/25/2012 at 7:44pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

by thebeachisthatway / 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about extinct peoples, and I said how close the Jewish people came to becoming one. She condescendingly told me they don't exist anymore. When I asked what she was talking about, I realized she was confusing them with the Vikings. What the hell? FML

by tempted to become single / 10/21/2012 at 12:00pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, at the age of 57, my dad got a unicorn tattooed on his shoulder. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2012 at 1:18am / France (Bretagne) / Love

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

by Holy Testacles / 10/17/2012 at 12:45am / United States / Miscellaneous