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kittenmeownyan's favorite FMLs
Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly "you need to work on that". We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said "you need to work on not farting in your sleep". FML
by Screwed / 04/22/2009 at 1:46pm / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy
Today, I ran to a public bathroom because of explosive diarrhea. In the middle of it, I noticed there was no more toilet paper nor paper towels remaining. The smallest bill in my wallet was a 5. I had to pay 10 dollars to wipe my own butt. FML
by highleyj / 04/01/2009 at 4:16am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was looking after my parents house and their wiener dog, and fell asleep on the couch. The dog climbed onto my shoulders and rested behind my head like a doggie neck pillow. All was great until she farted right in my left ear. FML
by Noname / 02/01/2009 at 11:31pm / United States (Nebraska) / Animals
by Noname / 02/01/2009 at 5:17pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…
- Today, someone left a used condom under the windshield wiper of my car. I didn't notice it until I… Today, I was making out with this guy I had been seeing, and things start to get pretty steamy. As… Today, my boyfriend keeps requesting that I make eye contact when I give him blowjobs. He won't let…