About kimmi5 : I enjoy FML and read fmls during my down time. I usually don't comment ever. I like to keep to myself mostly. If I look a little young, the picture is not of me but of my little sister. Thanks for taking the time to read about me.
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kimmi5's favorite FMLs
Today, I arrived at work six minutes late due to heavily congested traffic. This is just two days after my boss put out a memo saying that anyone who's late to work from then until the new year will have their holiday bonus pay forfeited. FML
by aaannnddd there goes my boner / 11/28/2013 at 5:03pm / United Kingdom / Work
Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML
by paranoid neighborhood / 11/27/2013 at 12:51pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML
by Seriously_Scaredy_Cat / 11/27/2013 at 2:08am / United States / Animals
by grantsidiots / 11/27/2013 at 12:51am / Australia (Queensland) / Love
Today, my ex's mom got a job as our new soccer coach and recognized me from our New Year's party last year. She made me, and me alone, do 10 laps around the field in the rain for breaking her son's heart. FML
by Amanda / 11/26/2013 at 3:00pm / United States / Love
Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML
by Anonymous / 11/26/2013 at 2:05pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by Anonymous / 11/26/2013 at 8:07am / United States / Kids
by sister sister / 11/25/2013 at 12:38pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Cian_1 / 11/25/2013 at 6:22am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Health
by unemployed and bereaved / 11/25/2013 at 12:03am / United Kingdom / Work
Today, I realized my wedding ring had fallen off while doing yard work the previous day. Luckily, I only worked in a few areas, so I had high hopes of finding it. That is until a storm came through, blew half a foot of leaves all over the property, and then froze them with sleet. FML
by midnightsun1143 / 11/24/2013 at 3:32am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/23/2013 at 8:29pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, after getting a root canal, I told my mother how boring it was just sitting there with my mouth open for ages while the dentist did his work. She then told me how she had to do the same kind of thing on her anniversary night with my father. FML
by Anonymous / 11/23/2013 at 4:57pm / Argentina / Health
Today, I was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML
by I hate that game / 11/23/2013 at 11:11am / United Kingdom (Wigan) / Miscellaneous
by meesmees / 11/23/2013 at 5:48am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
- Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds… Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted… Today, I discovered that if I work out, I can't get an erection, but if I don't work out, my penis…