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kimi081212

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kimi081212
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  • Number of visits : 4
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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kimi081212's favorite FMLs

Today, I finished building a porch I've worked hard on for the past 2 weeks, and I was very proud on how amazing it turned out. Within 20 minutes of it being completed, my pregnant dog decided to crawl underneath it to have her puppies. I had to take half the porch apart to get to her and them. FML

#21120370
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28080) - you deserved it (3045)

On 04/22/2014 at 10:46pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my biology professor was giving a lecture to everyone and used me as an example. For what? Traits men are repulsed by in potential mates. FML

#21119838
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27180) - you deserved it (2152)

On 04/22/2014 at 11:26am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet again been mistaken for a 1-800 number. I've been getting phone calls at three in the morning from people on the east coast who are trying to return their shoes. They want to speak to my supervisor because I "don't sound professional enough." FML

Today, I used a facial mask for super sensitive skin, recommended by several friends with similar skin issues. Apparently, when the warning says, "May cause some slight redness for thirty minutes", it really means, "Your face will have hives and swell to twice its normal size for several hours." FML

#21119632
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29646) - you deserved it (3312)

On 04/22/2014 at 1:31am - health - by Tomatoe Face - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I joked to a client that every time I see his name, I start singing the song 'Dr Jones' by Aqua. He looked blankly at me, so I broke into song, 'Dr Jones, Dr Jones, calling Dr Jones... ' He still looked blankly, but now also utterly horrified, as were the rest of the waiting room. FML

#21119159
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25303) - you deserved it (8084)

On 04/21/2014 at 5:26pm - work - by banana_tree - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

#21119041
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34062) - you deserved it (8815)

On 04/21/2014 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by sexual parrot -

Today, my drug addict of a roommate convinced herself my red kitten was Pennywise the clown in disguise waiting to kill her, and hit him over the head with a pan. FML

Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML

#21118643
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33819) - you deserved it (4608)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Taylor - United States (Iowa)

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a visit to my grandma. We ended up playing Scrabble. In between passing wind that smelled like rotting eggs, she kept playing the filthiest words she could, and yelled at me whenever I checked to see if they were in the Scrabble dictionary. FML

#21118282
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30866) - you deserved it (3965)

On 04/20/2014 at 5:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - Slovenia (Domzale Commune)

Today, I was feeling really depressed and ended up asking my mom why guys aren't interested in me. She replied with a laundry list of reasons, including, "Hair. Boobs. Face. Everything." FML

#21117292
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34612) - you deserved it (4126)

On 04/19/2014 at 4:12pm - love - by snore - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, I took my kids to an Easter party hosted by a local church. The nice lady in charge told the kids, "Jesus died, but He rose to life again!" My 9 year old screamed, "LIKE A ZOMBIE!" FML

#21116666
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35162) - you deserved it (6674)

On 04/18/2014 at 8:14pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it's my birthday. The only people who wished me a happy birthday were the ones who saw the "birthday boy" poster my sister plastered around school, which included a photo of me as a kid dressed up as a girl. FML

#21114561
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37322) - you deserved it (3373)

On 04/16/2014 at 1:24pm - misc - by birthdaygirl - United States (California)

Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML

#21111822
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36645) - you deserved it (3405)

On 04/13/2014 at 10:51am - work - by worker666 (woman) - United States

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML

#21111720
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36393) - you deserved it (3338)

On 04/13/2014 at 5:33am - love - by Ticklish - United States (Iowa)

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

#21108570
336 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59895) - you deserved it (28976)

On 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm - animals - by Brody89 (man) - United States (Washington)



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