About kimcompton83 : I am an asshole!
kimcompton83's FML badges
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An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
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kimcompton83's favorite FMLs
by J.O.S / 03/21/2012 at 5:06pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by whatawaste / 03/07/2012 at 11:25am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom told me that Walmart had called and I had an interview at 9:30. I went to Walmart. They told me they didn't have any interviews set up. I went back home and listened to the voice-mail on her cellphone. It was the Subway in Walmart. I've been looking for a job for 3 months. FML
by Jake / 03/07/2012 at 6:14am / United States (Idaho) / Work
Today, my boyfriend decided to piss in the shower while I was standing next to him. I did not mind, until I realised the water flows away incredibly slowly. I had to stand in his piss while the shower filled itself with the sweet odor of fresh urine. FML
by DjeePee / 03/07/2012 at 5:28am / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, we had an extremely rude customer who started cussing at us, and my coworker started cussing back. I jumped on the register to quickly bring down the line, and apologized to everyone for the scene. A secret shopper was in the line and claimed that I was rude. I got written up. FML
by Anonymous / 03/07/2012 at 1:46am / United States / Work
Today, I was cooking and I burned my thumb. I had some first-aid burn spray, so I sprayed it on. I went outside to smoke a cigarette, and when I flicked my lighter, my thumb went up in flames. Turns out that first-aid burn spray is flammable. FML
by Anonymous / 03/07/2012 at 1:29am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 03/06/2012 at 11:03pm / United States (Florida) / Animals
by Alex / 03/06/2012 at 7:34pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/06/2012 at 3:41pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I thought I was home alone, so I started singing to my cat. After a half hour of this, I finally stopped. Then I heard applauding. I turned around to find my parents standing in my doorway. FML
by Anonymous / 03/06/2012 at 2:54pm / United States / Animals
by sdk2010 / 03/06/2012 at 12:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by FootyFoot / 03/06/2012 at 6:50am / Australia (South Australia) / Health
Today, my boss called me out for a drug test. His reason was because my eyes are puffy and bloodshot, making me look high. I've been suffering from allergies all week, but still had to pee in a cup in front of a complete stranger. FML
by dragynfyre / 03/06/2012 at 12:37am / United States (California) / Work
by goldfish / 03/05/2012 at 9:47pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals
Today, I went swimming in a pond. I came out covered in leeches. Terrified, I screamed, flailed about and cried out for help until half a dozen people ran over. One of them was kind enough to point out that those leeches I was so afraid of were actually patches of mud. FML
by asdfBUTT / 03/05/2012 at 8:36pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…