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kiki_1070

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kiki_1070
  • Town/Country : s'port, USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 365
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

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kiki_1070's favorite FMLs

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

#21111156
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30364) - you deserved it (7130)

On 04/12/2014 at 2:07pm - misc - by traumatized (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML

#21083945
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38785) - you deserved it (4703)

On 03/11/2014 at 12:11pm - intimacy - by littlefinger (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I asked my grandmother what she looked like when she was young. She casually replied, "I was ugly, sweetie. Just like you." FML

#21080512
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37890) - you deserved it (3517)

On 03/07/2014 at 1:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Philippines (Quezon City)

Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML

#21076106
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50223) - you deserved it (12046)

On 03/02/2014 at 5:38pm - animals - by Anonytard - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went on a blind date. At the end of the night, I told him I had a surprisingly great time. He replied, "Yeah, that was fun. You're really funny and smart. If you were pretty, I'd totally go out with you again." FML

#21064082
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51532) - you deserved it (4248)

On 02/18/2014 at 12:45am - love - by fiercehawk (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I decided to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML

#21061796
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36748) - you deserved it (7879)

On 02/15/2014 at 7:50pm - animals - by unloved cat owner - United States (California)

Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

#21061692
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46465) - you deserved it (6256)

On 02/15/2014 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out the real reason my boyfriend kept starting fights with me, and why my best friend kept telling me to break up with him. It was so they could turn their affair into a proper relationship, then twist it around to make me look like a bitch for dumping him. FML

#21058247
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56247) - you deserved it (3757)

On 02/12/2014 at 4:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, at the bank where I work, I escorted a very short woman to her safe deposit box in the vault. I left her alone, knowing she could use the phone to call the reception when she was ready to leave. We later realised the phone was too high for her to reach. If glares could kill. FML

#21057082
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39200) - you deserved it (6108) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/11/2014 at 5:01am - work - by norina (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was helping my elderly neighbor carry her groceries into her kitchen. When I finished, she sighed and said, "You're such a sweet girl. It's just a shame about your face." FML

#21040445
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45728) - you deserved it (3512)

On 01/26/2014 at 8:08am - misc - by neighbor - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I shut one of my breasts in my car door. FML

#21031414
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47287) - you deserved it (8637)

On 01/18/2014 at 1:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML

#21027576
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39875) - you deserved it (4061)

On 01/14/2014 at 11:15am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I tried to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we both chickened out and played Pokémon instead. FML

#21020996
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53661) - you deserved it (22211)

On 01/08/2014 at 12:43am - intimacy - by gottacatchemall (woman) - United States

Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML

#21015899
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40177) - you deserved it (7591) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/03/2014 at 6:28pm - misc - by Elisa_LmR (woman) - France

Today, my cousin started sending sarcastic love messages to me. I replied, with even cheesier lines. Then she rang me saying she was so glad I felt the same way. Turns out she wasn't being sarcastic. FML

#20991120
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46321) - you deserved it (7569)

On 12/13/2013 at 10:10am - love - by wth? - United Kingdom (Rotherham)



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