Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (2 hours ago) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3795
  • Number of comments : 138
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About khaoticpanda : Hi
@MsBeliever_98 Instagram.
Game player. Sleeper. Community service fanatic.
Fuck bitches get money thats the motto. I love radiohead, smashing pumpkins, and the foo fighters. ADD ME ON TRIVIA CRACK SO I CAN KICK YOUR BUTT REGAN4812

khaoticpanda's page activity

Visits<b>SwagBasket</b> - 2 hours ago<b>tyler_jay</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 11:46pm<b>hardesty</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 8:13pm<b>kooljac702</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 10:09am<b>gis0392</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 12:51am<b>ninjuh_wingman</b> - the 02/14/2015 at 11:37pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 02/14/2015 at 8:30pm<b>Lct1196</b> - the 02/14/2015 at 4:16am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 2:51pm<b>Nolimit2217</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 9:12am<b>morondon000</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 11:58pm<b>onlyFuge17</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 5:10pm<b>DolphinLaser23</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 4:45pm<b>ActionFearo</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 2:14am<b>Arni792</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 11:12pm<b>TheDude992</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 11:48pm<b>iAmPaul</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 3:36pm<b>jankes433</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 5:36am

Liked!<b>ActionFearo</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 8:14am<b>onlyFuge17</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 10:31pm<b>SilverZephyr</b> - the 02/04/2015 at 8:50pm<b>Eryan2000</b> - the 02/02/2015 at 10:42pm<b>Devindelon</b> - the 02/02/2015 at 3:54am<b>jimmysixx</b> - the 02/01/2015 at 5:08am<b>gary8082</b> - the 02/01/2015 at 2:57am<b>ThatllDoDonkey</b> - the 02/01/2015 at 1:33am<b>drfish46</b> - the 02/01/2015 at 1:19am<b>whereismyb4con</b> - the 02/01/2015 at 1:00am<b>joshtapp</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 9:24am<b>Mornai</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 3:35am<b>Fhrostty</b> - the 01/26/2015 at 9:08am<b>sxy_raw</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 7:52pm<b>Acerhawk</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 1:20am<b>ComoEsJuan</b> - the 01/21/2015 at 10:33pm<b>inowhtthefoxsays</b> - the 01/20/2015 at 3:27pm<b>hardesty</b> - the 01/19/2015 at 4:33pm

khaoticpanda's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

See all of khaoticpanda's badges

khaoticpanda's favorite FMLs

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time, after he repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me. He passed out halfway through. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49499) - you deserved it (5966)

On 12/23/2013 at 2:13pm - intimacy - by JoshuasGirl (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mother was reading an annual Christmas letter from an old university friend. When she remarked that she could have married him instead of my father, I replied that she wouldn't have had me then. She then said, "Exactly, I could have had his daughter instead." FML


I agree, your life sucks (44487) - you deserved it (3724)

On 12/23/2013 at 5:44am - kids - by rejected (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out I was passed over for the promotion I've wanted for 9 months at the fast food restaurant I work in. Who got the job? The 16 year old girl I trained 2 weeks ago. Their excuse was, "She has ambition." I'm going to college for food service management. She failed her drug test. FML


I agree, your life sucks (50464) - you deserved it (3821)

On 12/22/2013 at 7:58pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were: "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43310) - you deserved it (3559)

On 12/14/2013 at 5:39pm - misc - by bnc (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my parents told me that I'm no longer allowed to come home from boarding school on weekends because it will confuse my cats and disrupt their lives. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40621) - you deserved it (2638)

On 02/24/2013 at 6:17am - animals - by incendiaaa (woman) - Australia

Today, my estranged mother texted me saying, "Gran died, LOL." My grandmother and I were fairly close, so I was shocked and disgusted. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and asked if she knew what "LOL" meant. She did. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29553) - you deserved it (1621)

On 09/25/2012 at 5:28pm - misc - by burn in hell (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26241) - you deserved it (2136)

On 08/31/2012 at 8:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (23973) - you deserved it (2081)

On 08/26/2012 at 5:21am - misc - by ewww (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I fainted during my sister's wedding because my dress was too tight. When I woke up, she slapped me hard across the face. Why? Because I "took all the attention away" from her. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25345) - you deserved it (7005)

On 08/25/2012 at 9:58pm - health - by brylynn - United States

Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49730) - you deserved it (3585)

On 08/18/2012 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by sal (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26286) - you deserved it (4882)

On 08/15/2012 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML


I agree, your life sucks (12197) - you deserved it (33843)

On 08/13/2012 at 11:06am - intimacy - by didntevenknow (woman) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, my social anxiety hit a new low. I was playing bingo and, although I won, I didn't shout "bingo" because I thought too many people would look at me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24961) - you deserved it (7824)

On 08/11/2012 at 10:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, after my boyfriend and I had gotten frisky last night, I found a note on the front door of my building that read, "Dear girl in apartment 3D, from now on please close the blinds all the way or lose 30 pounds. Either would be acceptable." FML


I agree, your life sucks (29866) - you deserved it (16426)

On 08/10/2012 at 1:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Europe

Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML


I agree, your life sucks (6470) - you deserved it (46947)

On 08/09/2012 at 3:51pm - misc - by feelsterrible (man) - United States (Georgia)

Caroline Maerten's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • FML's Question Time #1: Valentine's Day
  • It's a brand new Valentine's day, so here's a brand new blog section. Yep, you read that right, we're using the fact that Valentine's day is vaguely a controversial…

Friday 13 February 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: