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kfchicken

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kfchicken
  • Town/Country : Edmonton , Canada
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 179
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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kfchicken's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML

#20778274
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45818) - you deserved it (6712)

On 07/12/2013 at 7:18pm - kids - by So little trust. (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

#20777932
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38719) - you deserved it (4756)

On 07/12/2013 at 4:15pm - misc - by O_O (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was eating a corndog, when my boyfriend jokingly told me to "take it deeper". I did, and ended up choking and throwing up all over the table. FML

#20775966
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24123) - you deserved it (45914)

On 07/11/2013 at 1:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via the medium of free-style rapping. FML

#18535495
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27382) - you deserved it (3788)

On 12/17/2011 at 12:03pm - love - by Emily - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML

#18519378
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19370) - you deserved it (4887)

On 12/15/2011 at 12:30pm - misc - by Grubendol - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

#18513189
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18044) - you deserved it (22236)

On 12/14/2011 at 6:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML

#18483356
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46346) - you deserved it (7418)

On 12/11/2011 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I walked in on my mom, braiding my dad's pubic hair. I don't know what scarred me more; my mom braiding his pubic hair or the fact that his pubic hair is long enough to be braided. FML

#18479276
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46276) - you deserved it (3469)

On 12/10/2011 at 8:03pm - intimacy - by Joe (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I've gained weight. He replied, "Why do you think I've been so often on top lately?" FML

#18472242
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25791) - you deserved it (6072)

On 12/09/2011 at 10:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

#18465913
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8738) - you deserved it (68012)

On 12/09/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by blondie101 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML

#18456086
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29310) - you deserved it (4274)

On 12/07/2011 at 9:31pm - intimacy - by journey_Jeanne - United States (California)

Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML

#18429716
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42343) - you deserved it (2879)

On 12/04/2011 at 6:52pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)

Today, I caught my mother trying to text on her iPhone, with her nipple. FML

#18364433
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32144) - you deserved it (2289)

On 11/27/2011 at 6:46am - misc - by Anonymous - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I was at the mall and started singing along to the playing of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." A kid glanced at me and said to her mom, "She IS a hippopotamus." FML

#18358747
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29019) - you deserved it (9286)

On 11/26/2011 at 6:13pm - misc - by Person15 - United States (Indiana)

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

#18355284
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27102) - you deserved it (14184)

On 11/26/2011 at 10:09am - intimacy - by hitintheeye - Canada (Ontario)



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