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Offline (the 10/25/2016 at 9:07am)



  • Town/Country : San Antonio, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 8 August 1998 (18 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4597
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About keyface5 : Freshman in college, majoring in cyber security. I love computers and have a cat named orca.

keyface5's page activity

Visits<b>skye147</b> - the 10/08/2016 at 11:00am<b>anak36</b> - the 10/05/2016 at 8:53pm<b>2simz</b> - the 10/03/2016 at 10:50pm<b>Tripartita</b> - the 09/03/2016 at 2:03am<b>Therid</b> - the 05/25/2016 at 4:28pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 05/24/2016 at 7:59pm<b>deathstroke990</b> - the 05/22/2016 at 11:37pm<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 03/23/2016 at 7:30pm<b>spork_of_doom</b> - the 11/27/2015 at 1:54pm<b>Stephanie001_</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 8:37pm<b>Linda_zlk</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 9:57am<b>jonathan7777</b> - the 08/11/2015 at 12:54am<b>Emi1y</b> - the 08/07/2015 at 10:06pm<b>sayakabeats</b> - the 08/02/2015 at 9:05am<b>attaboyyy11</b> - the 06/25/2015 at 7:35pm<b>besosforme</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 10:49pm<b>KinkyMissBinky</b> - the 05/24/2015 at 11:27am<b>KaneHunter</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 5:04pm

Fucked!<b>Therid</b> - the 05/25/2016 at 10:28pm<b>anak36</b> - the 05/22/2016 at 7:07am<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 03/22/2016 at 7:49am<b>skye147</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 11:45am<b>KaneHunter</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 11:04pm<b>sayakabeats</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 6:29pm<b>RockUntilYouDie</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 1:16pm

keyface5's FML badges


You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

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You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

See all of keyface5's badges

keyface5's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I fell asleep twice during sex. FML

by bandeek / 10/23/2016 at 2:52pm / Intimacy

Today, I saw my two-year-old son trying to floss his teeth. He was using an earthworm. FML

by Fffhjno / 09/28/2016 at 2:15pm / United States (Utah) / Kids

Today, I was showing my crush/co-worker how to operate a particular piece of machinery. She exclaimed out loud, "Oh! This knob pulls out," then mumbled under her breath, "unlike my boyfriend." FML

by nicetoknow / 09/26/2016 at 8:57am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, after days of working with a client on plans for a project, I received a message half way through completion saying the deal was off because "my prices were so low it seemed like a scam". FML

by JPlays / 09/12/2016 at 11:31pm / United States (Nevada) / Work

Today, I accidentally mooed during sex. FML

by harambae / 09/11/2016 at 1:10pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, while flying home, two little girls started chanting, "We're all going to die." I'm an extremely anxious flyer. FML

by MDoremis / 08/28/2016 at 3:24pm / United States (Hawaii) / Transportation

Today, during an important meeting, I forgot the name for West Virginia and described it as, "Virginia a bit to the left". FML

by Torvaltz / 08/07/2016 at 4:31am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, when the power went out, my wife said it was too bad we couldn't have sex by candlelight since she had just started her period. The only time she brings up sex is when we can't do it. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2016 at 4:32pm / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to an unexpected surprise for my birthday. It wasn't cake, nor ice cream. It was hundreds of baby spiders crawling all over me. FML

by Anonameow / 07/19/2016 at 9:49am / Animals

Today, I woke up in the hospital after my sister saved me from "hanging" myself. In reality, my sister choked me because I ate her last chicken nugget. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2016 at 9:02pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was woken up by my dad and my dog barking at each other, and my dad yelling, "I am the Alpha male!" FML

by DumbassRoaster / 07/10/2016 at 3:44pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, I was driving with my little brother when out of nowhere he yelled at me to stop. Thinking it was urgent, I slammed my breaks, almost getting rammed from behind. Why did he yell for me to stop? The Pokémon GO said there was a sparrow near us. FML

by PurplePanda_1927 / 07/07/2016 at 10:26pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the paternity test came back. It's like I suspected all along; my "son" is actually my half-brother. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2016 at 12:23pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Kids

Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old sister, naked, streaming herself eating a banana. FML

Today, I had a mini heart attack as my dad stopped in the middle of the street and said, "I wonder what'd happen if I just dropped my pants right now and started jerking it in front of all these motherfuckers." FML

by dad, please / 05/16/2016 at 1:37am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy