About keyface5 : Freshman in college, majoring in cyber security. I love computers and have a cat named orca.
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keyface5's favorite FMLs
Today, I work as an assistant to a sculptor. We finished all our projects early so his wife decided to have me clean their kitchen. I wasn't paying attention and picked up a dead mouse. I screamed and threw it away as hard as I could. It hit their five-year-old son in the face. FML
Today, after having surgery and told not to have sex for two weeks, I've been begging my boyfriend to allow me to give him a blowjob, trying to be nice. He doesn't want to because he can't reciprocate. Not only has not having sex drove me insane, so is not being able to touch my boyfriend. FML
by Anonymous / 11/01/2016 at 2:25am / United States / Intimacy
by marenthehollow / 10/30/2016 at 8:33pm / United States (Utah) / Work
Today, an old man, while I was working, asked me to spell average-length words. Confused, I refused. Turns out I was apparently taking too long counting the large amount of small change he'd given to me, and he assumed I couldn't count or spell. I study law, and I've learned basic calculus. Welcome to retail. FML
by NoOrdinaryNZer / 10/30/2016 at 7:09am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Work
by Myorafield / 10/26/2016 at 2:42am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by Fffhjno / 09/28/2016 at 2:15pm / United States (Utah) / Kids
by nicetoknow / 09/26/2016 at 8:57am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by JPlays / 09/12/2016 at 11:31pm / United States (Nevada) / Work
by harambae / 09/11/2016 at 1:10pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by MDoremis / 08/28/2016 at 3:24pm / United States (Hawaii) / Transportation
by Torvaltz / 08/07/2016 at 4:31am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Anonameow / 07/19/2016 at 9:49am / Animals
- Today, at lunch, my seven-year-old daughter and I had a chat. I asked her if she had a sweetheart.… Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the…