Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

kerripjones

Online | Search for a member

kerripjones

112Fucked!

kerripjoneskerripjones
  • Town/Country : Dallas, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 31 January 1991 (24 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1956
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 4 posted

About kerripjones : Just a Texas girl that loves to laugh :)

I'm also a college graduate (B.S. in chemistry)
I am a certified pharmacy tech.
I teach an anatomy lab.
I find chest hair incredibly sexy.
I have a welsh corgi named Napoleon and he has stolen what was left of my heart.
I have recently acquired a new doggie I have christened LBJ.
While he has caused quite a riff in my romantic relationship, I can't stop loving him.
(Him being the dog)
There are two little boys named Jack and Carter that are frequently "bad like their Aunt Kerri" that fill my heart and empty my wallet.
I enjoy cooking but I love baking.
I'm extremely competitive and don't understand the phrase, "it's just a game"
Losing is painful. Success is not an option but a guarantee.
I'm an open book; I have NO secrets.

If you'd like to know anything about me or talk, feel free to send me a message :)

kerripjones's page activity

Visits<b>mdavis91pro</b> - 13 minutes ago<b>khoov19</b> - 5 hours ago<b>boostedc</b> - 6 hours ago<b>Umbraelux</b> - 9 hours ago<b>cpmagma</b> - 10 hours ago<b>cutycat136</b> - 10 hours ago<b>jjmack34</b> - 14 hours ago<b>rogwest</b> - 15 hours ago<b>weveallbeenthere</b> - yesterday at 7:39pm<b>Gamerhex</b> - yesterday at 5:30pm<b>Wontonfon</b> - yesterday at 3:08pm<b>dmo4</b> - yesterday at 3:00pm<b>AsharKhan</b> - yesterday at 3:33am<b>fatimeshala</b> - yesterday at 3:26am<b>gis0392</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 8:42pm<b>sandman676</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 6:52pm<b>JordanODST</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 3:58pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 3:51pm

Fucked!<b>cpmagma</b> - 4 hours ago<b>chris_mates</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 3:58pm<b>bomzo</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 10:09am<b>DelbertGWIII</b> - the 07/29/2015 at 4:19am<b>Miss_Mandi</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 6:36pm<b>enginsteve</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 10:08am<b>lil_jimmy</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 3:43am<b>ninjahesten</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 2:10pm<b>sandman676</b> - the 07/23/2015 at 3:16pm<b>Warnerro</b> - the 07/23/2015 at 1:07am<b>beeferjay</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 7:01am<b>FoxHunt9119</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 4:27am<b>tiredofwaiting</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 4:21am<b>dirtbikeguy</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 5:55am<b>saocrates</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 5:38pm<b>nmorris95</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 6:44pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 5:22pm<b>insurance</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 2:51pm

kerripjones's FML badges

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of kerripjones's badges

kerripjones's favorite FMLs

Today, an old friend and I reconnected. Everything was going fine until he threatened to visit me at work. I didn't know he knew my place of employment, so I replied, "Do you know where I live too?" He answered, "Would you hate me if I did?" FML

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML

Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML

#21298550
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32950) - you deserved it (2330)

On 11/13/2014 at 7:21pm - misc - by JoshTheUnluckyFromKentucky - United States (California)

Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML

#21039460
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52566) - you deserved it (8873)

On 01/25/2014 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by sally - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mom asked me when I'm going to propose to my girlfriend. Not only was she in the room at the time, I've spent the whole week thinking of ways to break up with her without ending up in the hospital. 5ML

#21038079
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43711) - you deserved it (4880)

On 01/24/2014 at 10:11am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML

#21031998
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35105) - you deserved it (57163)

On 01/18/2014 at 5:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend told me that she is pregnant. I asked how it could be possible, since she's on birth control. She said she didn't know her antibiotics would interfere with it. She's a pharmacist. FML

#21024822
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61935) - you deserved it (8397)

On 01/11/2014 at 7:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML

#21008001
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44584) - you deserved it (5345)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:23am - animals - by honeybunny90 - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked in on my daughter lighting candles around one of her friends, who'd fallen asleep while her other friends chanted something in a different language. They still won't tell me what they were doing. FML

#21001182
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50316) - you deserved it (5003)

On 12/22/2013 at 10:36am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that I take long enough showers for my boyfriend to sleep with my sister and put everything back to normal before I get out. I found out when I needed more shampoo that was in a shopping bag in my room. FML

#20984084
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65288) - you deserved it (5418)

On 12/07/2013 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by mystery - United States (North Dakota)

Today, my wife made me a Sex Rewards Chart, where I get points by doing chores and such, and 50 points gets me some action. She refuses to even look at me if I haven't earned the points, and is contemplating sleeping alone in the guest room until I earn more points. FML

#20983710
403 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60973) - you deserved it (19077)

On 12/07/2013 at 9:55am - intimacy - by feiedbutter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I actually thought of faking my own death to get away from my girlfriend and her insane, overbearing family. FML

#20974597
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44351) - you deserved it (7251)

On 11/29/2013 at 10:37am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my family and I finished moving to Texas. As if that isn't bad enough, I'll have to introduce myself all over again to everyone I meet and explain that yes, my parents really did name me Lilypad. FML

#20973574
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48520) - you deserved it (4032)

On 11/28/2013 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I met the guy I've been talking to online for two years in real life. He tried to convince me to have his children because they would be average height. He's a midget and I'm 6'2". This is the most romantic thing anybody has ever said to me. FML

#20973561
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44036) - you deserved it (5403)

On 11/28/2013 at 11:34am - love - by heightdifference (woman) - United States (Tennessee)



FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie replies #1
  • Hello all you crybabies, from Land's End to John o' Groats. Yes, I'm finally here my lovelies. Since last week, my inbox hasn't stopped humming with the noise of new mail dropping into it, letters full…

Friday 31 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: