kenoswild

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Offline (the 07/05/2015 at 5:01am)

kenoswild

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1816
  • Number of comments : 149
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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kenoswild's page activity

Visits<b>panromantic</b> - the 11/03/2015 at 3:51pm<b>AnthriX95</b> - the 10/19/2015 at 2:07am<b>kayana153</b> - the 08/07/2015 at 4:59pm<b>eski2015</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 11:58am<b>thethunderbolt</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 5:52pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 06/02/2015 at 6:55pm<b>EyesofStone</b> - the 01/01/2015 at 9:43pm<b>rhiannahoward14</b> - the 01/01/2015 at 1:29am<b>YourAuntsCousin</b> - the 11/08/2014 at 1:03am<b>sevazilla</b> - the 11/06/2014 at 4:58pm<b>zombiekiller52</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 6:47am<b>caro1190</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 2:50am<b>RainbowxxVeinsx</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 8:34pm<b>oxythemoron</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 3:29pm<b>MidnaLink</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 11:02am<b>deusetnatura</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 9:14am<b>Iwannabetreo</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 6:27am<b>TheNerdKing</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 12:19am

Fucked!<b>kayana153</b> - the 08/07/2015 at 10:59pm<b>eski2015</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 5:58pm

kenoswild's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of kenoswild's badges

kenoswild's favorite FMLs

Today, a kid grabbed the receiver to my cochlear implant and ran off with it. I went to a security guard, and, if my lip reading was accurate, he said to "try and make it through the day without it". Without it, I can't hear anything. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2011 at 5:57pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I went out for New Year's. When I got back, I found my house had been broken into. I found a note saying, "Happy New Year, sucker." FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2011 at 12:29am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was speeding a little on the highway. I thought I saw a police car, so I slammed on my brakes, causing the person behind me to rear end me. The "police car" I saw was just a broken down car on the side of the road. FML

by fuckina / 11/29/2010 at 12:34pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend confessed that he felt so insecure he submerged my $80 vibrator in water to eliminate the competition. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2010 at 12:57am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I went to see a famous rapper perform. My girlfriend got us up to the front to get pictures with him. He went to give me a high-five, I thought it was a fist-bump, so I made a fist. So he made a fist while I made a palm to match his retracted high-five. Then I panicked, cupped his fist and ran. FML

by blackitalian / 11/26/2010 at 10:43am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, in the wee hours of the morning I decided to make a naked dash to the bathroom, unfortunately, my dad decided to do the same thing at the exact same time. FML

by mydadsawsooomuch / 11/17/2010 at 8:26am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tripped on a step that said "Watch your step." Two hours later, I hit my head on a sign that said "Mind your head." FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 1:24am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got back from a three week trip in the Alaska back-country. I survived climbing fatally steep mountains, white water rafting in a freezing glacier river, and a near bear attack. Despite all that, a badly thrown frisbee managed to split my eyebrow in half. FML

by Gabby125 / 09/18/2010 at 10:54pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I slipped on a patch of ice and fell. I would have fallen straight onto my ass, but thankfully my testicles broke my fall. FML

by Soresack / 01/04/2010 at 8:34am / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I slept in late and when I woke up, thought I was the only one in the house so I decided to walk around the corner to the only upstairs bathroom naked. My dad also slept in, also thought he was the only one in the house, and also decided to walk to the bathroom naked. We collided. FML

by malebonding / 08/17/2009 at 9:50am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking a serious shit when the light bulb burned out. I am terrified of the dark and began wailing and crying. My mom had to pick the lock and get me out. I'm a 17 year old guy and captain of the Varsity football team. My little brother recorded it and plans on showing everyone. FML

by scaredshitless / 08/07/2009 at 12:11am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriend who I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around like they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old child who was running past and knocked him out. FML

by airport / 05/10/2009 at 2:49pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I locked my keys in my car. After spending 20 minutes on the phone with AAA, and then waiting a half hour, the guy showed up, he stuck his hand in the drivers side window and asked, "You couldn't just reach in?" I forgot I left the window open. FML

by .... / 04/17/2009 at 12:49pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML

by mrWrong / 03/24/2009 at 9:20pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

by ihatevideos / 03/16/2009 at 7:08pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy