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kenjenkei

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kenjenkei
  • Town/Country : Sydney, Australia
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 9 July 1991 (22 years)
  • Number of visits : 302
  • Number of comments : 34
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About kenjenkei : “In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
― Terry Pratchett

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A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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kenjenkei's favorite FMLs

Today, as my girlfriend was dropping me home, our goodbye kiss got kind of heavy. Still parked in my drive, we had fast, frenzied sex. After, we realised that she had never put the hand brake on and that we had rolled down my drive, blocking my dad who was patiently waiting to pull in. FML

#4407265
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12865) - you deserved it (51473)

On 08/09/2009 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by deflated - Ireland

Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML

#4384243
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44265) - you deserved it (4970)

On 08/08/2009 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by pear8head (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mom turned to me and said, "You know, you're the kind of person that has to change literally everything about themselves to get a guy to like you." I thought she was joking so I laughed. She then said "Like that. Your laugh... What is that? Change that." FML

#3587785
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63856) - you deserved it (4738)

On 07/08/2009 at 5:43pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I'd "killed her nose". FML

#3361418
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51780) - you deserved it (8137)

On 06/30/2009 at 7:53am - health - by poopshooter101 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got a meat pie for lunch. I bit into it and felt something hard. I spat it out. It was a tooth. I checked my mouth in a panic and discovered, with mixed feelings of relief and horror, that the tooth wasn’t mine. FML

#2855395
406 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77014) - you deserved it (3480)

On 06/13/2009 at 11:13am - misc - by Toothy_Peg (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to "cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair". FML

#2671287
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63193) - you deserved it (6447)

On 06/06/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was walking on a path through a park by myself. I glanced at the ground and saw a shadow behind me. Thinking of an attacker, I screamed as loud as I could and began flailing my arms to ward him off. Turns out, it was a jogger. He had to stop due to his uncontrollable laughter. FML

#2649932
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9635) - you deserved it (37957)

On 06/06/2009 at 12:43am - misc - by paranoid (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, two of my girlfriends and I went to a bar. The only action any of us got was a 50 year old man who came up and handed us "An origami vagina for the pretty ladies." FML

#2463557
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39793) - you deserved it (4546)

On 05/31/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by ailat0107 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found some oversized-strawberry-spree candies in my pantry. They were delicious and I munched on them through out the day. I ended up in and out, but mostly in, the bathroom in the dead hours of the night experiencing the wonders and effectiveness of Fruit Flavored Fiber pills. FML

#2367025
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11502) - you deserved it (40500)

On 05/28/2009 at 3:14am - health - by KKimrae_ness (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML

#2210993
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43075) - you deserved it (8676)

On 05/23/2009 at 1:48pm - love - by jimbop (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
435 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28765) - you deserved it (133825)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my sister had a friend over and I had just gotten out of the shower. I wrapped something around me and walked across the living room. When I walked through, they both started laughing hysterically. Turns out, I grabbed a poncho and the hole for the head ended up right over my crotch. FML

#110231
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13342) - you deserved it (35407)

On 02/22/2009 at 11:50pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, though I'm normally unperturbed by my single-ness, I walked by some squirrels engaged in mating rituals and felt a pang of jealousy. FML

#5133
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26994) - you deserved it (3279)

On 02/02/2009 at 5:49am - love - by murphy - United States (Pennsylvania)



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