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kelxdao's FML badges
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
kelxdao's favorite FMLs
by Randomspaghetti / 09/15/2016 at 5:11pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad's psycho ex broke in and had a meltdown about how he's dating another woman now. She's barely 100 pounds, yet it took me and my brother several minutes and one smashed shin to finally manage to drag her out of the house, all while my dad called the cops. FML
by Anonymous / 08/24/2016 at 8:16am / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a cute guy at the coffee shop reading a book. Wanting to be friendly, I smiled as I approached and asked what he was reading. He returned the smile and said, "Minding your damn business, by Fuck Off." FML
by nevaagain / 08/19/2016 at 4:00pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love
Today, I went to collect my clothes out of the dryer. Thinking it would be fun for my small dog, I brought her with me. I put her down and let her sniff around while I put my clean clothes in a basket. I turned around from putting more clothes in the dyer to catch her peeing in my clean clothes. FML
by Never Again / 08/09/2016 at 2:17pm / United States (New York) / Animals
by Anonymous / 08/03/2016 at 11:31am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I started my first day at a job. First thing my manager does is ask me if I knew the fastest way to kill someone there, then told me with a straight face all of what would occur when dumping a person's head into the deep fryer. Then the psycho assigned me to the fry station. FML
by TheVagabond_SRG / 08/02/2016 at 2:46am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I learned that the hardest part of marrying a historian is choosing baby names. His top choices derive from two Roman magistrates, two abbesses, a tenth-century author, and an obscure Greek official. I already let him name our pug, for whom he chose the name "Tertullianus." FML
by NeitherHrotsvitNorErkembaldus / 07/29/2016 at 5:21pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I noticed quite a few scars on one of my coworker's legs. I pulled her aside and told her that self-harm was never the answer, and if she needed to talk I was always there. Turns out she's just clumsy and trips a lot. FML
by CyberPsycho / 07/28/2016 at 12:24pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work
by Bacon0426 / 07/04/2016 at 5:03pm / United States (New York) / Holidays
Today, I told the cute girl in my office that she looked like she listened to country music, as an icebreaker. She blankly stared at me for what felt like forever, and responded with, "That's the worst thing you could say to a person," and walked away. She hasn't talked to me since. FML
by Crushgonewrong / 06/22/2016 at 5:42pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, a few weeks after moving in with my boyfriend, I borrowed his phone to Google something because mine was dead. His most recent searches? "How kill cat", "Kill cat laws", "Cat + poison". I thought he was ok with my cat when I moved in. FML
by Kitty Lover / 06/11/2016 at 3:04pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, after finally applying myself and busting my butt all semester, I found out the school is accusing me of cheating because they couldn't believe I could have gotten near-perfect grades considering my grade history. If this is how society rewards academic turnarounds, why do I even bother? FML
by CantWin / 06/07/2016 at 6:38pm / United States (Utah) / Geek
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an…