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kaveman31

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kaveman31
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 142
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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kaveman31's favorite FMLs

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

#20872880
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46555) - you deserved it (2736)

On 09/08/2013 at 12:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland (Bern)

Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML

#20858925
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34702) - you deserved it (2263)

On 08/29/2013 at 5:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, one of the kids in my neighborhood told me he would mow my lawn for 10 bucks. After a few minutes, I heard the mower stop. He had mowed a penis into my front yard then run away. FML

#20841455
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42462) - you deserved it (7013)

On 08/17/2013 at 6:52am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out why my doctor told me not to mix pain killers with alcohol when I was told that last night I tried to convince a group of teenage tourists that I was one of the nitwits from One Direction, and then got miffed when they laughed at me. FML

#20832639
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16410) - you deserved it (33221)

On 08/11/2013 at 7:23pm - health - by JustSayNo - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand, when I shouted "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML

#20823279
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41973) - you deserved it (8039)

On 08/06/2013 at 2:19am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I agreed to lend my daughter's inflatable pool to my neighbor for the day. Barely an hour later, I witnessed his son jump off their balcony, missing the pool by inches. He's now in hospital, and my neighbor has sworn to sue me, saying I'm responsible because the pool is mine. FML

#20792517
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51881) - you deserved it (3407)

On 07/19/2013 at 3:06pm - kids - by getmeoutofthiscountry (man) - United States

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML

#20783255
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46698) - you deserved it (5608)

On 07/14/2013 at 11:40pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML

#20779714
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48739) - you deserved it (4019)

On 07/13/2013 at 10:32am - misc - by speechless - United States (Indiana)

Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML

#20724998
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66778) - you deserved it (6168)

On 06/14/2013 at 2:48am - love - by explanations (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my wife uttered the soul-crushing words, "But we're married now, why would we have sex?" FML

#20706140
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80468) - you deserved it (7662)

On 06/04/2013 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by ._. (man) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, my 6-year-old son was so angry at me for not buying him overpriced candy at the airport, that he told a security guard I had a machine gun in my suitcase. The interrogation was not pleasant. FML

#20703790
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57253) - you deserved it (7234)

On 06/03/2013 at 5:16pm - kids - by VDM (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I e-mailed the on-line instructor for my job, telling her that I had fallen behind in my work due to my grandmother's passing and the subsequent funeral arrangements, but that I would catch up this week. Her reply? "OK. Hope your grandmother gets better soon." FML

#20679441
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41633) - you deserved it (2725)

On 05/22/2013 at 8:28am - misc - by projectfain - United States (Ohio)

Today, I beat my extremely competitive friend in a game of pool. He responded by breaking a pool stick over my head. FML

#20674823
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40705) - you deserved it (5547)

On 05/20/2013 at 2:32am - misc - by soreloser (man) - United States (Montana)

Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML

#20673142
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45741) - you deserved it (6414)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I told my dad that I broke up with my first serious girlfriend. He responded by blaring sad breakup songs as loud as he could throughout the house, just to see me "cry like a bitch". FML

#20671425
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41869) - you deserved it (6400)

On 05/18/2013 at 6:33pm - love - by SteroidPenguin (man) - United States (Colorado)



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