About karen1991 : Hello world my name is Karen! I am 20 with a crazy interesting wonderful and other sorts of life. I love to meet new people and have fun. Music is my coffee without it I am a zombie and not the good kinda zombie ether if there is such a thing, after watching zombie land I don't think so. Save the twinkys!! After watching that movie I ate so many of those yellow delicious bastards..Lol..soooo world send me a message or talk about zombies with me till then Tyler!
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karen1991's favorite FMLs
Today, my ten-year-old brother came to visit me in NYC. Within ten minutes of walking on Times Square he had seen a prostitute and a partially-naked man. He now refuses to leave my apartment and screams when I try to drag him out. He's here for the next two weeks. FML
by NYCproblems / 06/24/2013 at 10:06am / United States (New York) / Kids
by myfavoritesgouda / 06/24/2013 at 1:20am / United States (New York) / Work
Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML
by Anonymous / 06/23/2013 at 6:38am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was going through my daughter's contacts, except all of them had names from Harry Potter. I found the name "Mom." I was relieved I didn't have some silly name, until I realized it wasn't my number; it was her father's new wife. My number was under "Voldemort." FML
by Jill / 06/15/2013 at 12:19am / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/09/2013 at 9:52pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML
by Anonymous / 06/07/2013 at 3:10am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by Thanks Honey / 06/05/2013 at 11:08am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me screaming, "My precious!" FML
by Anonymous / 06/02/2013 at 6:36pm / United Kingdom (Thurrock) / Miscellaneous
Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML
by Anonymous / 06/02/2013 at 2:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by life insurance for 1 / 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, a man asked about fishing in the river which flows beside where I work. I said you could, but anything you caught under 5 inches has to be thrown back. His wife then said, "Wish I knew that before I married him." I started to laugh. The man almost cried and complained to my boss. FML
by Anonymous / 05/26/2013 at 8:40pm / United Kingdom (South Ayrshire) / Work
Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML
by unwilling redneck / 05/24/2013 at 6:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/08/2013 at 2:59am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/06/2013 at 4:35am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
- Today, I hooked up with the guy I've been seeing. Apparently he doesn't believe in condoms and took… Today, my ex boyfriend apologized for being a jerk to me and threatening our relationship. When he… Today, my apparently insane and now ex-girlfriend actually claimed she didn't technically cheat on…