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jordynsage's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
jordynsage's favorite FMLs
Today, my sweet 7-month-old puppy ran up to a big fat dog at the park and did what she always does: roll over on her back to start to play. The big fat dog lifted his leg and peed all over my puppy's belly. After the shock, my soaking wet puppy jumped on me. FML
by Pisser / 06/26/2014 at 12:57am / United States (Oregon) / Animals
Today, I clogged my girlfriend's toilet, so being a gentleman, I tried to rectify the situation. I plunged the holy fuck out of that damned toilet, only for her to accuse me of jacking off because I was taking so long. When she stormed in and the smell hit her, she called me a pig. I just can't win. FML
by shart up, your puns suck / 06/01/2014 at 2:34pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
by Idk / 05/29/2014 at 2:46am / United States (Florida) / Animals
by HomicidalPegasus / 05/25/2014 at 11:50am / United States (Illinois) / Love
by CapnCrunchKat / 05/09/2014 at 2:06am / United States (Delaware) / Work
by mlowy / 05/09/2014 at 1:35am / Azerbaijan (Baki) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was teaching my 4 year old daughter how to use "stranger danger". Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML
by imnotastranger / 05/08/2014 at 11:01pm / Kids
by unlovedmommy / 05/08/2014 at 5:49pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by gvmfvr / 05/08/2014 at 4:48pm / Animals
Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML
by Anonymous / 05/08/2014 at 3:52pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, it's five days until my wedding and I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister. They share clothes, have the same haircut, and they even take turns flirting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me. I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one. FML
by STOP / 05/08/2014 at 9:55am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by Anonymous / 03/24/2014 at 4:28pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by weak / 02/23/2014 at 9:36am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by dsamanthas / 02/23/2014 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Animals
by dontgothere / 02/22/2014 at 11:40pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
- Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, I've been living in Germany for several weeks now. My classmates still cannot pronounce my… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was…