jordanlite

Search for a member

Offline (the 01/13/2016 at 4:51pm)

jordanlite

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 914
  • Number of comments : 136
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 29 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

jordanlite's page activity

Visits<b>debster592</b> - the 04/24/2016 at 8:52pm<b>player20270</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 5:21pm<b>ZelmaSlayer</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 10:42pm<b>meli1195</b> - the 08/25/2015 at 12:19pm<b>SPN_lover666</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 4:00pm<b>Walmartian2015</b> - the 07/17/2015 at 11:03pm<b>Exaspera</b> - the 02/25/2015 at 3:19am<b>anmurphy101</b> - the 10/22/2014 at 5:55am<b>Compgeek1996</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 3:51pm<b>buonotomato</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 3:38am<b>moimoimoi125</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 6:22am<b>VyronBuckingham</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 5:37pm<b>MurderBlack</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 9:48pm<b>Amoondris</b> - the 01/23/2014 at 6:03am<b>skittycat213</b> - the 01/19/2014 at 2:11pm<b>spazzykinz</b> - the 01/19/2014 at 10:49am<b>Rababco</b> - the 01/01/2014 at 5:23pm<b>beastiness</b> - the 12/07/2013 at 7:25pm

Fucked!<b>Walmartian2015</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 5:03am

jordanlite's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of jordanlite's badges

jordanlite's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband injured his back badly. He's taken three percocets, because according to him, he knows the dosage better than his doctor, and is demanding that I let him drive himself to work, with no pants on. FML

by jkim / 09/08/2014 at 1:56pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, two children decided it would be fun to try to ding-dong-ditch me. I never answered the door as I saw them running away. They did it a couple of times before getting bored. That's when they decided it would be fun to come into my house instead. FML

by I hate children / 08/18/2014 at 8:10am / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Kids

Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML

by Degueusement / 08/18/2014 at 12:48am / Intimacy

Today, I went camping with my husband not too far from our house. We got our tent pitched up, stove ready and roll-out bed out. He then said, "I'm just gonna go for a walk." It had been about an hour before I decided to go find him. He had walked home to play CoD. FML

by AnnoyedWoman / 08/17/2014 at 6:19am / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Love

Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of me collapsed. I helped her up, and I called an ambulance while she laid down. While we waited, two teenage girls walked past and I heard one say to the other, "I love how this city just lets people tan wherever". FML

by Anonymous / 08/13/2014 at 11:02pm / New Zealand / Kids

Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2014 at 12:04pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I told my husband to give our dog a bath while I was at work. When I returned home, I found my dog, along with my husband, in the bath together. FML

by lacy / 03/01/2014 at 3:23am / United States (Kentucky) / Animals

Today, I took an extra xanax to help with my anxiety, then went to sleep. I guess it was probably too much, because I woke up a few hours later, freaking out and panicking because I was convinced I was a bee trapped in a human body. FML

by beemove / 12/28/2013 at 4:19pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I was training at work on proper techniques of physical restraint. As my coworker was practicing on me, I realized this was the first time I've had physical contact with a man in years. I'm ashamed to admit how good it felt to feel his weight pressed into my back as I pretended to resist. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2013 at 1:04am / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my family. They didn't even notice me there until the dog started barking at me because I took his spot. My mom defended the dog, and now I'm sitting on the floor while a Pomeranian takes up half the couch for himself. FML

Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML

by i hit a cyclist / 05/27/2013 at 7:19am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Transportation

Today, my doctor asked me how often I drink, and I responded, "Socially." My three-year-old piped up, "No Mom, you drink all the time." My doctor now thinks I'm a raging alcoholic. My kid has never seen me drink. FML

by AAMBC4 / 04/09/2013 at 6:30am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.