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jonnied23's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
jonnied23's favorite FMLs
Today, it was a long queue at the store, and behind me were two senior citizens. I wanted to do a good deed, and said: "Cut before me in line, I have all the time in the world." My reward? The old man scolded me because I supposedly insinuated that they were old, and only had a short time left to live. FML
by SirPimPim / 06/14/2010 at 10:32am / Sweden (Ostergotlands Lan) / Miscellaneous
Today, my siblings overpowered me and duct taped me to a chair. Helpless, I had to wait until my dad got home so he could help me. Instead, the first thing he did was reach for his camera to take a picture. FML
by kingwalrus / 06/12/2010 at 2:55pm / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Kids
Today, a four pound can of tuna fell on my head at work, and it burst all over my clothes. Since I'm the manager, I had to stay all day reeking of tuna. Now I'm home, my damn cat won't leave me alone. FML
by Alpheas / 05/30/2010 at 1:12am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, both my parents were at work so I was home alone. My boyfriend had wanted to surprise me and take me out to lunch. He found me dancing on my kitchen table singing "Like a Virgin" at the top of my lungs. FML
by crazygirl10 / 05/28/2010 at 4:37pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by ChubbyAmerican / 05/22/2010 at 7:24pm / United States (New Mexico) / Love
by justsingle / 05/11/2010 at 4:56am / Philippines / Intimacy
by YouAREthefather / 03/18/2010 at 12:48pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I found out that my entire family thinks I have no friends, am expressionless (to quote, "a robot") and that my monotonous voice hints at the suppressed depression hidden deep inside me. According to them, I need psychic evaluation. It all came out at a family reunion. FML
by talhabilal / 03/11/2010 at 9:28am / Pakistan (Punjab) / Miscellaneous
by SadFace / 03/07/2010 at 1:54pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally felt ready to take my bra off during sex. My breasts had "deflated" somewhat due to weight loss and I was really self-conscious about them, but my boyfriend insisted I was hot no matter what. When the bra came off, the dick got soft. FML
by victoriassecret / 03/03/2010 at 4:24am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I begged my husband to take me to the ER cause my stomach hurt so bad I thought I was gonna die. He told me to go sit on the toilet and stop being a drama queen. I drove myself to the hospital just in time for my appendix to burst. I almost died because my husband was busy playing xbox. FML
by Jeri / 02/26/2010 at 7:55am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML
by sadsexer23 / 02/15/2010 at 10:10pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, it snowed in South Carolina for the first time in 10 years. It snowed eight whole inches! I was so excited, I yelled for my kids and ran outside to build a snowman. I ran out to the steps and slipped on ice. I woke up in the hospital with a bad concussion. The snow had all melted. FML
by owwie / 02/13/2010 at 3:11pm / United States / Kids
by yourstruly / 02/11/2010 at 2:40pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/10/2010 at 7:23am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…