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jon06

Offline (the 04/14/2015 at 5:58pm) | Search for a member

jon06

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 414
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jon06's page activity

Visits<b>chashem</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 4:08pm<b>yoursucklives</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 2:28am<b>m1e0l</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 1:56pm

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50 favourites

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jon06's favorite FMLs

Today, it was my uncle's funeral. I wasn't very close with him, but I still wanted to be respectful. My boyfriend, being the jackass that he is, was singing the Spider Pig song from The Simpsons under his breath while making his fingers walk up my leg, trying to get under my skirt. FML

#20096195
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25096) - you deserved it (6492)

On 10/01/2012 at 12:23am - love - by SorryUncleTommy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML

#20070030
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22858) - you deserved it (2114)

On 09/13/2012 at 8:37am - misc - by Sprtsgeek13 - United States (Maine)

Today, I had a hard time taking a dump. Before flushing, I noticed two pennies and a dime incrusted in my turd. It seems that yesterday, while drunk, I swallowed some change. FML

Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML

#19817936
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23350) - you deserved it (6018)

On 06/20/2012 at 10:09am - animals - by anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter's bed broke. Trying to see the damage, I lay down on her floor to get a closer look. I saw mountains of condom boxes under there. Now I know why the bed broke. FML

#19646260
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38999) - you deserved it (5174)

On 05/19/2012 at 11:08am - intimacy - by maggierose171 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my son tried to swat a fly with a hammer. Our apartment walls are now littered with dents and holes. FML

#19581531
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22168) - you deserved it (4317)

On 05/06/2012 at 10:57am - misc - by flustered (man) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML

#19572377
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13244) - you deserved it (41585)

On 05/04/2012 at 8:49am - health - by authorsubmit - United States

Today, I got to listen while my grandma, who has dementia and therefore a poor memory, explained to me why the old man on TV was a sex god. She forgot everything once she said it. I got to listen to her explanation five times over. FML

#18942178
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23518) - you deserved it (2279)

On 01/29/2012 at 11:23am - misc - by scared for life (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while helping my father build a shelf, I suggested that we should probably use the instruction manual. He suggested I should probably shut the fuck up and do it his way. FML

#18738481
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27076) - you deserved it (14025)

On 01/07/2012 at 7:12pm - misc - by Jman6295 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my family. The night consisted of my sisters hiding in a tent and chasing us around in it, my parents singing songs from 'The Lion King' opera-style and throwing cheese at him. Pretty sure he's freaked out. FML

#18650275
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28665) - you deserved it (4009)

On 12/30/2011 at 1:35am - love - by wellthatsawkward (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML

#18531722
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30498) - you deserved it (5372)

On 12/16/2011 at 10:46pm - intimacy - by anne (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML

Today, my eleven year old sister came in, and bitched to me and my boyfriend about how she was going to tell my mom about the used condom she found. My boyfriend punched her in the face. FML

#18022495
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52132) - you deserved it (16629)

On 10/19/2011 at 10:37am - intimacy - by lolilovemyboyfriend (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my sister was on shrooms. I wasn't able to tackle her before she called the cops to say that her books were trying to eat her face off. FML

#16932520
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31639) - you deserved it (3517)

On 07/01/2011 at 3:41am - misc - by ugh annoying - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is extremely jealous of a stuffed toy that sits on my bed, all because it gets to 'sleep in the same bed as me and he doesn't.' Now, whenever he comes over, he throws it at the wall, death glares at it, then gets up and kicks it under my bed. FML

#16774144
361 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37262) - you deserved it (11889)

On 06/21/2011 at 12:46am - love - by holdengurl18 - China



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