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johnjp15

Offline (the 03/05/2014 at 1:21am) | Search for a member

johnjp15

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  • Number of visits : 187
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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johnjp15's page activity

Visits<b>Wizardo</b> - the 06/28/2013 at 3:14am

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johnjp15's favorite FMLs

Today, I bought a cat. Somehow that cat is now stuck inside mah antique piano. I have to break the piano to get her out. FML

my house was broken into. After we calld the police, my dad startd calling himself Sherlock Holmes and talking in a British accent. He insists on calling me Watson. He is going around the neighborhood acting like Sherlock, investigating stuff. He won't stop.

Today, my pone went off, reminding me to take my birt control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. Te ringtone ad been canged to my boyfriend singing "It's birt control time, birt control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

#20805312
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56353) - you deserved it (9340)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by turning red - United States

Taday I sold ice cream to a group of kids. One of tem lookd sad, because e was te only one wo couldn't buy any, so I gave im some fir free. Apparently, e was allergic to someting in it, and endd up being rusd to te ospital. FML

#20799539
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51531) - you deserved it (6916)

On 07/23/2013 at 2:28pm - work - by Snarty (man) - United States

my girlfriend decided to let me know that she almost left me for another guy not so long ago, because he was more handsome an talented than me. The reason she didn't leave: "He's out of my league; your not." FML

#20777616
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49691) - you deserved it (4049)

On 07/12/2013 at 12:53pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had to make a poster 4 social studies. I decided to write ( Nice ass ) in hieroglyphics. Turns out mah teacher can read hieroglyphics. mega FML

#20691781
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23067) - you deserved it (47764)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:42pm - work - by Amber - United States (California)

Today, I was walking down the stair with mah guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to mah wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close mah eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stars. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

#20691071
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63523) - you deserved it (14455)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today , I accidentally hit a cyclist with car. In panic , I jumped out of car and ran up to him , who was lying on the floor , motionless. As I was about to check his pulse , he jumped up and shouted , ( I bet you thought I was dead , asshole! ) He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML

#20688904
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50887) - you deserved it (23608)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:19am - misc - by i hit a cyclist (man) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I Found Out Tat If U Wistle Cristmas Carols Wile Sitting In A Public Batroom, A Little Boy Migt Just Look Under Te Stall To See If Santa Is Pooping. FML

#19784207
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13186) - you deserved it (23649)

On 06/13/2012 at 9:17pm - misc - by ww2freak - United States (Virginia)

Today , I ad to case ma naked broters around ma ouse fir twenty minutes , trying to get tem to take a bat , allile tey were casing ma best friend around yelling , "IT'S WIENER TIME!" FML

#19076647
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24047) - you deserved it (2473)

On 02/14/2012 at 5:29pm - kids - by ShylaMarie - Canada

Today, mah family came to see me in mah first acting role in Romeo an Juliet. It all went reasonably well 4 the first half hour or so, after which mah seemingly shitfacd aunt startd heckling an saying ( that's what she said ) after every line, before eventually bieng thrown out by security. FML

#17760005
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24446) - you deserved it (2091)

On 09/16/2011 at 8:25pm - work - by Mandy (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today I Went Shopping With My Cousin. Walking Down The Road I Heard Her Say "Can You Hold My Hand?" I Was Confusd But Thought It Was Cute So I Held Her Hand An Kept Walking. It Turns Out She'd Askd Me To Hold Her Bag. We Didn't Say Another Word After That. FML

#16250181
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28839) - you deserved it (7379)

On 05/19/2011 at 8:51am - misc - by awkwardd (man) - Hong Kong

Today, it looked lyk rain so I eld out ma and to catc a raindrop. Wen I finally caugt one, I closed ma and over it an ran to sow ma friends to prove it was raining. I opened ma and saying, "Look! It's raining!" Wen I looked down, I saw tat I ad actually caugt a bird sit. FML

#6779771
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10613) - you deserved it (29712)

On 12/16/2009 at 4:11pm - animals - by smellyhand (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I finally plucked up the courage to propose to my grlfriend of 7 months. I took her out to the park where we had our frst kiss, I got down on one knee, an before I could say "Will you marry me" a brd shat on my head. FML

#5755233
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44413) - you deserved it (6589)

On 10/10/2009 at 8:52am - love - by -bird-poop- (man) - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today... mah friend had ditchd me for a party I hadn't been invitd to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in mah house was the mosquito I nicknamd Frd. I likd to watch Frd fly around and try to suck mah blood. 20 minute later... I found Frd's dead body. I was actually sad. FML

#4158002
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57484) - you deserved it (17245)

On 07/30/2009 at 10:43am - animals - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew



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