jmdnba097

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Offline (the 11/12/2014 at 2:41am)

jmdnba097

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 9 May 1997 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 881
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About jmdnba097 : Im jordan
17 reside in texas
Senior in HS, and single as a pringle

jmdnba097's page activity

Visits<b>Trainn</b> - the 10/12/2016 at 1:19am<b>jsb1426</b> - the 02/04/2016 at 4:03pm<b>lemmegetsumpizza</b> - the 09/08/2015 at 4:08pm<b>brwneyes</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 11:14pm<b>mattc99</b> - the 10/07/2014 at 7:27am<b>Martinde</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 9:21am<b>Miss_Brii</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 2:06am<b>Emi1y</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 7:26pm<b>LittleBells</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 10:55pm<b>bcoe</b> - the 09/22/2014 at 8:13am<b>YTfangirl</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 4:08pm<b>CandyDawg</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 10:42pm<b>josh_forbes32</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 4:37pm<b>Lebeaugars95</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 9:48am<b>Han1156</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 8:38am<b>enphinitie</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 4:15am<b>manchesterUK</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 3:24am<b>MissEris</b> - the 08/25/2014 at 11:57pm

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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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jmdnba097's favorite FMLs

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2014 at 10:48pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, my 17-year-old son managed to easily convince my 13-year-old daughter that if you have sex before getting married, you'll instantly get horrible diseases that will kill you. Her freaking out is how I found out she's not only gullible as hell, but sexually active as well. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2014 at 12:09pm / Norway (Rogaland) / Kids

Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent". I got pranked by myself. FML

by Deadpool434 / 10/19/2014 at 3:27pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

by Operation Yewtree here I come / 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2014 at 5:54pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

by drunk under 18 teenager / 08/19/2014 at 9:37am / Morocco (Marrakech-Tensift-Al Haouz) / Geek

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

by FANZZY / 08/18/2014 at 12:29pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML

by Brooke / 01/15/2013 at 12:45am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

by Dontwaketheneighbors / 12/06/2012 at 9:24am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I ran into my high school crush at Target. When I asked her if she remembered me, she patted me on the head, said, "Unfortunately," and walked away. FML

by Likian5 / 12/04/2012 at 8:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after having sex, my girlfriend left my apartment after furiously ranting at me, because I made her come "too many times" and that it's "unfair" to her. What? FML

by AllegroRubato / 12/04/2012 at 3:09pm / Chile (Region Metropolitana) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was riding the train and someone farted. Everyone looked at me. People always blame farts on the fat guy. FML

by Banana / 12/04/2012 at 11:04am / Puerto Rico / Transportation

Today, I faced a dilemma. If I don't let the cat sleep in my bedroom, she spends all night howling at the door, waking up my 2-year-old in the process. If I do let her in, the dog gets distressed and chews the contents of the bin. If I let both of them in, I have no room to sleep. FML

by SweetheartSusie / 12/04/2012 at 4:19am / United Kingdom / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend and I had a disagreement over the pronunciation of the word "train." It turned into a heated debate that lasted all night and ended with us sleeping in separate rooms. FML

by superminty / 12/04/2012 at 3:12am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML

by reedcarter / 12/03/2012 at 9:14pm / Miscellaneous