About jkmartinjk : Stay cool everybody.
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jkmartinjk's favorite FMLs
by candy man / 09/04/2014 at 3:32pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, it's been a week since I found an egg in the street that had seemingly fallen out of a nest. I'd bought a cage and an expensive incubator lamp to save it. It's thus been a week that I've been trying to save a mouldy old potato. FML
by mac cayne / 05/01/2014 at 11:13pm / France (Alsace) / Miscellaneous
by georgiaswish / 11/20/2013 at 3:05pm / United Kingdom / Work
by I don't know, son / 11/15/2013 at 8:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by thank god you'll only live once / 11/08/2013 at 3:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
by awkward / 07/26/2013 at 2:00pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I asked this really cute girl for her number. I had nothing else on me so I told her to write it on a dollar bill. Later, without thinking, I put it in a vending machine. I freaked out and frantically pushed the return button. It gave me back quarters. FML
by gavinbanks / 07/21/2013 at 6:55pm / United States (Oregon) / Love
Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML
by Anonymous / 07/09/2013 at 12:07pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by nosestealer / 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/05/2013 at 2:11am / United States (Iowa) / Money
by tinypenis / 06/04/2013 at 8:15am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, the people fixing my phone called to say that for some reason, my phone's SIM card has wiped all my contacts except for four, and they are doing their best to try and recover the rest. I had to explain to them that I only had four contacts to begin with. The guy laughed. FML
by Mr.no contacts / 03/31/2013 at 3:00am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
by anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
by Maggie / 03/18/2013 at 3:38pm / United States / Love
Today, I waited over 30 minutes in freezing cold weather for my bus. When it finally arrived, I went to get on board, but slipped and fell on the icy ground. The driver waited a whole 2 seconds before snorting, "Ain't nobody got time for this shit", closing the doors, and driving off. FML
by frozensolid / 01/24/2013 at 4:25pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Transportation
- Today, I realized I despise most of my friends and will do anything to avoid them. Including hiding… Today, I took my boyfriend out to dinner because my gym membership wasn't supposed to be taken out… Today, my science teacher called me down during class. He told me my grade was horrible and that my…