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Offline (the 09/04/2016 at 4:01pm)



  • Town/Country : Asheville, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 2 August 1992 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1197
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About jezombie : I usually just visit this app on my breaks at work or when I'm super bored.

jezombie's page activity

Visits<b>ItnHmn</b> - the 08/24/2016 at 5:33am<b>tin_cup</b> - the 08/13/2016 at 3:08am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 08/11/2016 at 9:15pm<b>ruudseriesx</b> - the 08/10/2016 at 3:11am<b>jwolt92</b> - the 08/02/2016 at 2:44pm<b>pred8885</b> - the 08/02/2016 at 9:31am<b>chewsef</b> - the 08/01/2016 at 9:02pm<b>tranced_</b> - the 08/01/2016 at 7:54pm<b>beeferjay</b> - the 07/14/2016 at 8:04pm<b>four0seven</b> - the 06/19/2016 at 2:07am<b>bigwell</b> - the 06/18/2016 at 10:38pm<b>frankmz</b> - the 06/18/2016 at 5:00pm<b>SamW2469</b> - the 02/12/2016 at 6:05pm<b>CreepinCow</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 6:53pm<b>monkey8970</b> - the 09/29/2015 at 1:17pm<b>SOULFFEJ</b> - the 08/07/2015 at 3:54pm<b>dk1991</b> - the 08/05/2015 at 3:13pm<b>moron011</b> - the 08/02/2015 at 5:42pm

Fucked!<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 08/10/2016 at 6:13pm<b>tin_cup</b> - the 08/02/2016 at 6:59pm<b>tranced_</b> - the 08/02/2016 at 1:54am<b>dk1991</b> - the 08/02/2015 at 7:32pm<b>beeferjay</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 3:40am<b>moron011</b> - the 06/30/2015 at 5:49am<b>RA91</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 5:46pm<b>johnfolk</b> - the 03/31/2015 at 5:33am<b>XxwhosawesoMExX</b> - the 11/02/2014 at 5:57am

jezombie's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

See all of jezombie's badges

jezombie's favorite FMLs

Today, I complimented a guy on his beard. His response? "Thanks. Wanna sit on it?" FML

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

by Anonymous / 07/11/2014 at 7:03am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, my friend announced that she'd lost weight recently. As I was congratulating her, my baby sister said, "I think you're still fat but that's good because you can give more meat to God when you go to heaven." Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML

by Anonymous / 05/26/2014 at 7:37am / United Kingdom (Wolverhampton) / Kids

Today, about 10 minutes into my first jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh my god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML

by see you next cunt / 03/18/2014 at 3:44pm / United States / Health

Today, I had an elaborate fantasy of what I would do if I became a cat and how I would make my way to my crush's house to be their cat. FML

by emmaavk88 / 03/17/2014 at 8:15am / United Arab Emirates / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

by nosestealer / 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering pizzas, I got bit by a guy dressed as Dracula. FML

by keiran123 / 06/27/2013 at 7:15pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML

by life insurance for 1 / 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2013 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought a textbook for my college class. Not only is the £150 book only sold by our teacher, it turned out to be a piece of shit that he obviously wrote, printed, and stapled together at home. When I went to the faculty about it, I was told it's all perfectly legal, and to drop it. FML

by defrauded / 03/08/2013 at 1:44pm / United Kingdom (Argyll and Bute) / Money

Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML

by Anonymous / 02/17/2013 at 12:56am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

by awesomekidsmum / 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML

by Anonymous / 08/25/2009 at 8:52pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was home alone. I didn't expect anyone to be anywhere near home, so when I got out of the shower, I walked to the living room, naked, to get the tv remote for my room. Only to find the UPS guy standing at our glass front door. I screamed... so did he. FML

by Lilly_28 / 08/11/2009 at 10:01am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous