jessica2128

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jessica2128

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 442
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About jessica2128 : Well some people find me funny... Idk what to write here

jessica2128's page activity

Visits<b>DirtyGiraffe</b> - the 12/23/2015 at 4:43pm<b>Blizzicus</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 7:02am<b>sybyabraham</b> - the 02/28/2014 at 7:14pm<b>dsw144</b> - the 01/20/2014 at 9:05am<b>Wizardo</b> - the 12/29/2013 at 4:20pm<b>larson15</b> - the 06/07/2013 at 3:25pm<b>deadhead419</b> - the 05/04/2013 at 12:25am<b>pistolpete85</b> - the 04/28/2013 at 2:35pm<b>Covenant74</b> - the 04/28/2013 at 12:23am<b>mas1794</b> - the 04/26/2013 at 7:08pm<b>Elgaard</b> - the 04/26/2013 at 2:30am<b>Epikouros</b> - the 04/25/2013 at 8:43am<b>shorty6823</b> - the 04/24/2013 at 11:56pm<b>bratley</b> - the 04/24/2013 at 9:32pm<b>goodoldave</b> - the 04/24/2013 at 6:53pm<b>12Softball12</b> - the 04/22/2013 at 6:54pm<b>runningmuffins</b> - the 04/21/2013 at 5:11pm<b>lsharpo10</b> - the 04/21/2013 at 11:01am

jessica2128's FML badges

Judgmental

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I agree, their lives suck

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The rules are the rules

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jessica2128's favorite FMLs

Today, it's my birthday. Three people wished me happy birthday: Google, my insurance company, and the place I lease my car from. FML

by trice / 05/08/2013 at 1:48pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML

by oops / 05/08/2013 at 10:44am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, my family flew out to surprise my grandma for her 70th birthday. When we arrived, she and my grandpa were both sitting on the couch, high, smoking a joint. FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2013 at 2:59am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML

by ADickySituation / 05/05/2013 at 12:14am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for cheating on her. Her "proof" was an image of me making out with a girl. Pretty damning, except she loaded it up in Photoshop, where I saw the image layers she'd used to fake the whole thing. I'm not sure what the hell she was thinking either. FML

by psycho ex / 05/02/2013 at 8:16pm / Brazil / Love

Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML

by Anonymous / 04/28/2013 at 9:57am / China (Shanghai) / Miscellaneous

Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML

by Skyler / 04/24/2013 at 3:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

by Anon / 04/22/2013 at 3:19am / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, I regretfully confessed to my parents I have trichotillomania. There was a torturous pause, followed by the question, "Are you gay?" FML

by Anonymous / 04/05/2013 at 7:23am / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, I was walking my dog when he stopped in the middle of the street and took a dump. I looked around furtively but saw nobody, so I just kept walking. I stepped in it on the way back home. FML

by BaliTheDog / 03/24/2013 at 7:01pm / France / Animals

Today, the kids I babysit hid from me. While I was looking for them, I stepped on multiple strategically-placed Lego bricks. When I yelped from the pain, the kids jumped out and threw soccer balls in my face. FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2013 at 7:47pm / United States / Kids

Today, a cute guy who works at the mall winked at me. When I met up with my boyfriend, I bragged to him about it. His response was, "Don't flatter yourself, he winked at me too." FML

by amberrenee91 / 03/18/2013 at 11:29pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, my husband woke up, rolled over, and said, "Good morning, beautiful." He hasn't called me that in months, but as I was about to reply, I realized he was talking to his pet turtle, not me. FML

by Maggie / 03/18/2013 at 3:38pm / United States / Love