jessherself13

Search for a member

jessherself13

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6360
  • Number of comments : 130
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About jessherself13 : I'm studying to be a paramedic and eventually a firefighter. My favorite singer is Amanda Palmer and I like spicy foods.

jessherself13's page activity

Visits<b>10220706</b> - the 06/16/2016 at 11:01am<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 05/21/2016 at 3:42pm<b>Jamer99</b> - the 04/18/2016 at 3:17am<b>bheaze</b> - the 04/04/2016 at 9:16pm<b>maydayyparade</b> - the 03/28/2016 at 7:34pm<b>Hilda_x</b> - the 02/20/2016 at 3:03pm<b>fkingshit</b> - the 02/12/2016 at 3:37am<b>sammie2new</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 8:59am<b>aiw14</b> - the 01/16/2016 at 4:15am<b>jsb1426</b> - the 12/14/2015 at 4:23am<b>Pokefinch27</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 11:34pm<b>WolfAvenge</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 5:48pm<b>theFickleFinger</b> - the 10/23/2015 at 10:44am<b>BritSkits</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 4:24pm<b>Angsty_Armadillo</b> - the 09/07/2015 at 8:17pm<b>ratman775</b> - the 09/06/2015 at 7:56pm<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 9:18pm<b>Demon_of_Light</b> - the 08/04/2015 at 5:17am

Fucked!<b>Angsty_Armadillo</b> - the 09/08/2015 at 2:17am<b>PartyMoose</b> - the 07/01/2015 at 11:44pm<b>Aurokai</b> - the 06/13/2015 at 6:13am<b>KaitTheBarber</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 1:54am<b>bananassin</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 1:15am

jessherself13's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

See all of jessherself13's badges

jessherself13's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to babysit two kids. It all went well until one of them duct taped a knife to a toy machine gun, lit the barbecue on fire, and ran around like a wild banshee screaming obscenities. The other one got scared and climbed onto the roof of the house. FML

by ellen77 / 09/13/2013 at 1:55am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I told a guy he should be ashamed of himself for parking in a handicapped space. He hit me with his prosthetic leg. FML

by Anonymous / 09/10/2013 at 9:23am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, even after loving him unconditionally, my originally 340 pound morbidly obese husband, who within the past two years lost almost 200 pounds, left me because now, he "can do so much better". FML

by heartbroken / 09/09/2013 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was prank called yet again by someone asking for a game that was released over 10 years ago. The store I work at only sells modern titles, and I angrily slammed the phone down. My boss saw and fired me on the spot. FML

by rashpimplezitz / 09/08/2013 at 12:22am / United States (California) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out the unionized cleaning people that empty the garbage and clean the toilets make $19/hr and have more paid time off than I do with my college degree. FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2013 at 12:37am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy

Today, while working at Home Depot, I was asked to cut some wire. When I asked her how much, she said, "From my computer to the wall". After explaining for a while that I didn't know how far that is, she left. FML

Today, I found out that the very good-looking woman who sings for one of my favorite bands is actually a guy. FML

by Pontiacman92 / 08/29/2013 at 3:07am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML

by Anonymous / 08/04/2013 at 3:28pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

by whyeventry? / 08/02/2013 at 12:39am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I found out via Instagram that my boyfriend didn't actually go to the Bahamas with his dad as he claimed. Not unless his dad lost weight, grew tits and long hair, and likes to make out with his son. They have no cellphone service, so I can't even call to break up with him. FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2013 at 12:33pm / Japan (Tokyo) / Love

Today, my father shot my fiancé. He's fine, but the wedding is off. FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2013 at 8:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend's dream came true; he had always wanted to break a bed during sex. The bed he broke was a heirloom in my family for 150 years. The best part: he was by himself. FML

by amiezingme / 07/26/2013 at 9:09am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I was having dinner at a long-time friend's place. In a matter of 15 minutes, her mom had managed to establish unequivocally that three kinds of people were ruining the world: vegetarians, atheists and homosexuals. I'm all three rolled into one. She knows that. FML

by WhyThankYou / 07/26/2013 at 1:31am / Lebanon (Beyrouth) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to help my constipated dog by squeezing crap out of her butt. This is a daily occurrence. FML

Today, I learned that my wife used to strip while in college. I found this out when I brought her to a work party and my boss recognized her. FML

by Anonymous / 07/24/2013 at 3:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous