About jessherself13 : I'm studying to be a paramedic and eventually a firefighter. My favorite singer is Amanda Palmer and I like spicy foods.
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jessherself13's favorite FMLs
by someonepleasehelpme / 07/18/2014 at 12:49pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, we decided to go to an aquarium for a little family get-away. At the end was a shark viewing deck, and I leaned over the rails to get a better look. How did I find out that my glasses needed to be adjusted? They fell off and sunk right to the bottom of the shark-infested waters. FML
by Anonymous / 07/17/2014 at 11:57am / United States (Ohio) / Animals
by Is that..? / 07/16/2014 at 11:51pm / United States (Colorado) / Work
Today, I went to a market. I saw stall which had mainly animal furs and things like that. I found a rounded, furry pen and stroked my cheek with it. Wondering what it was, being so soft and oddly shaped, I checked the tag. It was kangaroo testicles. FML
by happypineapple / 07/16/2014 at 11:31pm / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
Today, the couple who had written the offer we had accepted for our house withdrew it because apparently when they came by for the home inspection, my next door neighbor's teenage son tried to sell them heroin. FML
by BrewPack / 07/13/2014 at 10:22pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
by HomicidalPegasus / 05/25/2014 at 11:50am / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I baked a strawberry cake and I didn't have any fresh strawberries for garnish, so I used a can of strawberry pie filling. My neighbors said it looked like the cake was taken from the dumpster behind an abortion clinic. FML
by sothishappened / 05/20/2014 at 5:54am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was hosting my daughter's thirteenth birthday party. One parent decided to stay at my house, the only parent to do so. The entire night she critiqued every decision I made, from the films to the cake. When it was time to open presents, her kid was the only one without one. FML
by madbirthdaymomma / 05/15/2014 at 11:15pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, while driving out to the countryside with my new boyfriend, we came across a deer lying in the road. It seemed badly hurt, but instead of letting me get out and make sure, my boyfriend decided to just run over its head to finish it off, then continued driving with a smirk on his face. FML
by dating a big bag of dicks / 05/13/2014 at 5:02pm / United States / Animals
by loserman / 04/29/2014 at 6:40pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of three years. I worked my ass off planning everything down to a T. It seemed perfect, until I actually proposed, at which point I was rejected and dumped, in front of my family, friends and two coworkers. FML
Today, I had just sat down in the lobby of my doctor's office when my phone alerted me that I had a friend request. I checked; it was from some girl from high school. I muttered to myself, "I don't want to be your friend." I then heard a gasp. She was sitting across from me. FML
by emydoll / 04/27/2014 at 11:28pm / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
Today, after an entire year spent in physical therapy recovering from three knee surgeries, I finally returned to doing light agility exercises and running on a treadmill. When I told my therapist I had never been so happy and proud, he responded with, "This usually only takes 5 months, pussy." FML
by AnonymousAndSad / 04/24/2014 at 7:42pm / United States (Iowa) / Health
by Anonymous / 04/20/2014 at 12:03am / United States (Idaho) / Animals
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex and in the heat of the moment I cried out for him to go harder. He had an exasperated expression on his face, and in an adamantly offended tone he said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he stopped and left the room. FML
by belljars / 04/17/2014 at 10:27pm / United States (California) / Intimacy