Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

jerryj

Online | Search for a member

jerryj

18Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 6430
  • Number of comments : 438
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About jerryj : o hai there...
BANANA BREAD!

jerryj's page activity

Visits<b>SweetSociopathy</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 8:01pm<b>helipilot47</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 3:27pm<b>Xshley</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 6:09am<b>Amateur_Dank</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 1:01am<b>5witch61ade</b> - the 07/29/2015 at 5:07pm<b>RudyH621</b> - the 07/29/2015 at 8:38am<b>squeekstir</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 4:16pm<b>Jiratias</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 6:21am<b>Bubbles68</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 12:19am<b>meliodafool_</b> - the 07/25/2015 at 8:32am<b>Yazoo77</b> - the 07/25/2015 at 1:55am<b>WeKiIITheBatman</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 2:29pm<b>18drakerad</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 6:06am<b>groovy579</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 6:41am<b>nfdfhm</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 10:34pm<b>2nd</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 6:47am<b>gradius1002</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 11:45am<b>StraightUpBaller</b> - the 07/10/2015 at 3:46am

Fucked!<b>AlwaysWatching</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 10:53pm<b>Amateur_Dank</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 4:33am<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 6:15am<b>Radgears47</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 8:02am<b>Zigstyle308</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 10:53am<b>DanyilK</b> - the 03/06/2015 at 8:13am<b>lolbjarne</b> - the 02/03/2015 at 7:14pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 01/08/2015 at 1:39pm<b>jquaw</b> - the 12/29/2014 at 8:28am<b>Mr_snuggels</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 4:53am<b>WoldowJR</b> - the 11/18/2014 at 4:40am<b>itsme82</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 11:18pm<b>666lolita666</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 10:27am<b>RobotUnicorn1209</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 5:47pm<b>xsydneyx123</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 2:33pm<b>odamaliekh</b> - the 10/03/2014 at 12:54am<b>kayana153</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 7:30pm

jerryj's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of jerryj's badges

jerryj's favorite FMLs

Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML

#21450341
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20126) - you deserved it (4731)

On 08/01/2015 at 4:29am - animals - by funnnyyyyy -_- (woman) - Nepal

Today, on my second day at my new job, a customer called my manager with a complaint about me. He said I put the cheese "upside down" on his sandwich, and that made it taste bad. FML

Today, I had horrible diarrhea at work. When I felt the bubbling, I ran to the bathroom. An agonizing bowel movement later, I realized that there was no toilet paper in the stall. Just as I was about to ask a coworker who was in the bathroom for some, the fire alarm went off. FML

#21449227
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24879) - you deserved it (1398)

On 07/29/2015 at 8:57pm - health - by Crap (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was relaxing in bed with an arm kind of behind my head, when I noticed a huge spider resting on my armpit. My sister said my screaming sounded like a "witch being burned to death" for all of 5 seconds before I realized the "spider" was just my armpit hair. FML

#21449022
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19525) - you deserved it (9232)

On 07/29/2015 at 10:41am - misc - by fack (man) - United States (California)

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

#21448216
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26269) - you deserved it (2082)

On 07/27/2015 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced." and took a rain check on me. FML

#21447515
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22724) - you deserved it (2454)

On 07/26/2015 at 1:29pm - misc - by arch maester shavayalsharashion (man) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames)

Today, my girlfriend called me and said she needs to take a break from our relationship. Why? Her really clingy ex is really depressed about her dating someone else and he isn't ready to accept it. So she wants to take a break "for his sake" until he's over her. FML

#21447496
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24191) - you deserved it (1954)

On 07/26/2015 at 12:36pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Finland (Western Finland)

Today, my friends showed me a video of me blind drunk last night, getting into a fight with my front door. The door won, unlike my face. FML

#21447461
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16333) - you deserved it (12049)

On 07/26/2015 at 10:27am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my friend told me that Otter Box phone cases protect the phone whether it's thrown or just dropped. I disagreed. He then threw his phone across the room into a cement wall to prove it. The phone's screen was completely shattered and now he thinks I owe him a new phone. FML

#21447294
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27937) - you deserved it (2410)

On 07/26/2015 at 12:38am - misc - by TheAce44 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, after an argument with my girlfriend, I tried to be dramatic by slamming my car door shut as hard as I could. Something broke and now it won't open. Now I have to climb through the passenger's side just to drive my car to work. FML

#21443311
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11261) - you deserved it (26724)

On 07/18/2015 at 12:31am - misc - by MerryDeathmas - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I dropped my phone in the toilet in a public restroom. That would have been bad enough, without the guy in the next stall saying, "Jesus! What the hell did you eat?!" FML

#21443162
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25982) - you deserved it (2988)

On 07/17/2015 at 7:04pm - misc - by AK-47 (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I witnessed the most awful park job ever. Without thinking, I found a piece of paper and wrote on the back, "Nice park, asshole". Turns out it was an old airline boarding pass, and my name, address and phone number were neatly displayed with the message. FML

Today, I watched a young shop assistant try her hardest to flirt with my 20-year-old son. When he continued to be totally oblivious, she outright invited him back to her flat. When he asked, "What for?" a piece of my soul died at how completely I have failed as a father. FML

#21442690
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31870) - you deserved it (4203)

On 07/16/2015 at 6:21pm - kids - by anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I went down a water slide. Halfway through, I got stuck behind some kids who were blocking the tube. Seconds later, a big-boned lady crashed into my back. Her solution to break the blockade was to start kicking my back repeatedly as hard as she could. The kids still wouldn't move. FML

#21441433
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27703) - you deserved it (1562)

On 07/14/2015 at 6:33am - misc - by ow my kidneys (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I took away my 8-year-old daughter's toy for throwing it too many times. She then said, "I need a beer." FML

#21440427
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21815) - you deserved it (4887)

On 07/12/2015 at 10:25am - kids - by brichard22 (man) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie replies #1
  • Hello all you crybabies, from Land's End to John o' Groats. Yes, I'm finally here my lovelies. Since last week, my inbox hasn't stopped humming with the noise of new mail dropping into it, letters full…

Friday 31 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: