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jcolville

Offline (the 03/23/2015 at 11:54am) | Search for a member

jcolville

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jcolville's favorite FMLs

Today , I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see wat it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room , build momentum , an launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. real FML

#20929956
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46036) - you deserved it (4877)

On 10/22/2013 at 5:12am - animals - by IamAflyingCat - United States

Today I was teaching mah daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down an let a green car merge in front of us. She said "Fuck the green car" an sped up colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. big fat FML

#20783255
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52622) - you deserved it (6651)

On 07/14/2013 at 11:40pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my parent finally got married. At the after-party, my mother got drunk and informed me that even though she and my father were now married, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still a bastard. mega FML

#20631493
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43954) - you deserved it (3360)

On 04/29/2013 at 9:57pm - kids - by SierraCheyenne (woman) - United States (Missouri)

TODAY, I CAME HOME FROM A RELAXING, PEACEFUL VACATION. WHEN I GOT HOME MY 4-YEAR-OLD SON WAS FREE-BALLING WITH POOP ALL OVER HIS BODY, SCREAMING "BOB THE BUILDER WILL KICK YUR ASS." THE BABY SITTER IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND AND I CAN'T GET HIM TO STOP SAYING, "I LOVE ASS." FML

#20562056
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42164) - you deserved it (5453)

On 03/27/2013 at 4:00am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today... I had to sneak out of work early to pick mah 14-year-old son up from school. He and a friend had been found coverd in Astroglide... racing each other down the corridor on there bellies. My boss noticd mah absence from work... and now mah son and I are both on suspension. FML

#20526049
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27375) - you deserved it (8784)

On 02/28/2013 at 7:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to spend a few hours in a hospital with a toddler and a preschooler projecting vomit all over, cuz my husband thinks "expiration dates r 4 pussies." FML

#20511774
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36946) - you deserved it (4156)

On 02/18/2013 at 2:44am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Taday my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walkd into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, coverd in ketchup. She laughedhen I began to scream. FML

#20460540
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40984) - you deserved it (4273)

On 01/15/2013 at 9:41am - kids - by Nightmare (woman) -

Today, mah little sister cummed home crying because someone had shown her a video about the Slender Man. Trying to calm her down, I explained to her that he wasn't real, just like Santa Claus. She looked up at me and said "Santa's not real?" It's been 3 hours, and she hasn't stopped crying. FML

#20053719
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11588) - you deserved it (27835)

On 09/02/2012 at 6:07am - kids - by The Horrible Older Sister - United States (Arizona)

2day my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up . I told her looool to rush to the bathroom . I followed her a few seconds later.. . only to fine her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor . FML

#18534964
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33389) - you deserved it (6091) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/17/2011 at 10:42am - kids - by espylone - France



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