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jbarrick17

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jbarrick17

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1123
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About jbarrick17 : I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

jbarrick17's page activity

Visits<b>fuzz97</b> - the 03/21/2013 at 4:56pm

jbarrick17's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

See all of jbarrick17's badges

jbarrick17's favorite FMLs

Today, my friends showed me a video of me blind drunk last night, getting into a fight with my front door. The door won, unlike my face. FML

#21447461
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14596) - you deserved it (10785)

On 07/26/2015 at 10:27am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my friend told me that Otter Box phone cases protect the phone whether it's thrown or just dropped. I disagreed. He then threw his phone across the room into a cement wall to prove it. The phone's screen was completely shattered and now he thinks I owe him a new phone. FML

#21447294
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25387) - you deserved it (2251)

On 07/26/2015 at 12:38am - misc - by TheAce44 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML

#21446710
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25331) - you deserved it (4429)

On 07/24/2015 at 8:12pm - intimacy - by strangely - United States (California)

Today, it was my first day working at a library. I expected it to be fun and peaceful, not to end up having to call the cops on a guy who started jerking off into a book. FML

#21446464
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23513) - you deserved it (1543)

On 07/24/2015 at 10:02am - work - by fishingforubies2 - Aruba

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

#21442030
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32881) - you deserved it (2316)

On 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML

#21439825
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27619) - you deserved it (2381)

On 07/10/2015 at 11:49pm - misc - by Julianapilikusplatosophophes (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML

#21439786
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25298) - you deserved it (3443)

On 07/10/2015 at 10:42pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I finally finished downloading a 60GB TV series after two weeks of waiting. Every single "episode" turned out to be Rick Astley singing Never Gonna Give You Up, on constant repeat. I almost respect the prankster's effort enough to not want to gut him like a fish. Almost. FML

#21439737
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27582) - you deserved it (7325)

On 07/10/2015 at 8:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

#21428778
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20397) - you deserved it (12407)

On 06/19/2015 at 9:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my mother got heartburn. She claimed she only gets heartburn when she is near a pregnant woman. She threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't take a pregnancy test, despite there being no way I was pregnant. Turns out, I am pregnant, and my mother's ego has never been bigger. FML

#21427606
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30132) - you deserved it (8560)

On 06/17/2015 at 2:09pm - kids - by RecentCollegeGrad (woman) -

Today, I found my boyfriend and his friends laughing hysterically and practically choking on popcorn. They were watching a video of me in a school play, trying to sing while sobbing because I'd just pissed my pants in front of 200 people. Thanks for giving him the video, mom. FML

#21422192
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30223) - you deserved it (2232)

On 06/07/2015 at 5:46am - misc - by .......... (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I gave my girlfriend a hickey barely an inch from her vagina. She texted me later, saying her dad saw it and had grounded her. So yeah, I'm not sure I even want to know what the hell goes on in their house. FML

#21420087
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36480) - you deserved it (2556)

On 06/03/2015 at 3:22am - intimacy - by W T F (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I found out my dog's new favorite game to play: "If you don't stop petting me, I'll bite your balls as hard as I can." FML

Today, some guy walked into the restaurant I work at and ordered enough food to serve the entire National Guard of Texas. He thanked us by leaving a $0.50 tip and shitting on the bathroom floor. FML

#21413064
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26863) - you deserved it (1626)

On 05/20/2015 at 2:40pm - work - by kmctl - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend decided to suddenly stop in the middle of sex, just as I was actually starting to enjoy myself, just to bear hug me and exclaim, "Crikey, she's angry!" in the voice of Steve Irwin. He laughed so hard at his own joke that he went soft and couldn't continue. FML

#21410853
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30691) - you deserved it (2791)

On 05/16/2015 at 5:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)



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