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jbarrick17

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jbarrick17

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 937
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About jbarrick17 : I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

jbarrick17's page activity

Visits<b>fuzz97</b> - the 03/21/2013 at 4:56pm

jbarrick17's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of jbarrick17's badges

jbarrick17's favorite FMLs

Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML

#21399378
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30511) - you deserved it (2473)

On 04/25/2015 at 6:34am - love - by a critically injured shitehawk (man) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I found out the name on my driver's license is incorrect. I don't know what's worse: the fact the government can't even copy a goddamn name correctly, or that it took me three months to notice, when a cop nearly arrested me for carrying a "fake" license. FML

#21399342
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28091) - you deserved it (4262)

On 04/25/2015 at 3:30am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML

#21399141
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29518) - you deserved it (3531)

On 04/24/2015 at 6:04pm - kids - by anonymousyo - United States (California)

Today, I overheard my uncle talking about me to his friends. Nothing serious, just that he'd fuck me senseless if we weren't related. FML

#21399079
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35510) - you deserved it (2425)

On 04/24/2015 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Laois)

Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML

#21398963
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27244) - you deserved it (3087)

On 04/24/2015 at 11:07am - intimacy - by someoneneedsassistance - United States (Virginia)

Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML

#21389976
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16805) - you deserved it (31849)

On 04/08/2015 at 12:08pm - misc - by S to the HIT (man) - United States (California)

Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML

#21387543
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31876) - you deserved it (2500)

On 04/04/2015 at 1:32pm - health - by fuck right off (man) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, I asked my 5-year-old son how school went today. He sighed and said "Fuck off, dad." I thought kids only became such colossal douchebags in their teens. FML

#21387117
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28886) - you deserved it (5457)

On 04/03/2015 at 5:15pm - kids - by no, YOU raised him (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML

#21387066
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27051) - you deserved it (2011)

On 04/03/2015 at 2:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, a coworker and I pulled a April Fools' joke on our boss. She "borrowed" his keys and rolled down his window. I took a car window from a scrap yard and sprinkled it on the ground near his door. His response was to kick the nearest object in anger. The nearest object happened to be my car. FML

#21385709
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24158) - you deserved it (9839)

On 04/01/2015 at 1:46pm - work - by TecheyTim - United States (New York)

Today, my best friend went to my boss and offered to do my job for half the pay. FML

#21383169
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27753) - you deserved it (2066)

On 03/28/2015 at 7:44pm - work - by Haggis300 - Australia

Today, my husband was involved in a horrible series of accidents; he repeatedly slipped and fell into my best friend's vagina. FML

#21382840
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44617) - you deserved it (2959)

On 03/28/2015 at 5:20am - intimacy - by soontobewidow (woman) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today my girlfriend of a month told me that the only thing keeping her from swallowing a bottle of pills is being in a relationship with me, because she doesn't handle breakups well. FML

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. The first thing he did was hand me a paper containing listed rules he expects me to follow. When I asked if it was a joke, he promptly pointed to number 7 on the list, "Cleanliness is not a joke". FML



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