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jazzminemoody's favorite FMLs
Today, at work, a lady came in to have her glasses fixed. When she opened her case, an earwig crawled out. Instead of trying to kill it, she just left it and watched as it crawled over my desk and behind my computer. I later found the earwig in my hair. FML
by browngirl / 09/29/2013 at 12:16am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner and have to leave in shame. FML
by :( / 09/28/2013 at 5:24pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/28/2013 at 7:44am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/28/2013 at 12:08am / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I decided to be friendly and say hi to the weird kid at school, who was sitting by himself eating lunch. After I said hello, he stared up at me intensely and said, "I don't have many friends. Yeah. Mainly 'cause I've eaten most of them." FML
by scared shitless in ohio / 09/25/2013 at 4:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I invited my new girlfriend over for the first time. My roommate thought it would be funny to go on a porn site on my computer and leave it up. She saw it, freaked out, slapped me, and left. FML
by burb / 09/25/2013 at 3:23pm / Germany (Berlin) / Love
by what / 09/25/2013 at 10:42am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by friend loves a gay guy... / 09/23/2013 at 4:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/23/2013 at 2:06pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
by numbnuts / 09/23/2013 at 1:48am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids
Today, my mother asked me if she could borrow $200. Being the lovely daughter I am, I gave her my bank card to withdraw it herself. She gambled it away and maxed my bank account out. I had $1500 saved. FML
by Anonymous / 09/22/2013 at 10:56pm / United States (California) / Money
Today, my sister and her two-year-old came to my place for a visit. Not long after arriving, my niece ripped off her diaper and immediately took a dump on my white carpet. Guess who had to 'suddenly' leave afterwards, leaving me to clean up the mess. FML
by Anonymous / 09/22/2013 at 8:08pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
by msmidnight1965 / 09/22/2013 at 1:22pm / Canada / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/22/2013 at 1:40am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by CandyCrushAddict / 09/21/2013 at 11:09am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy