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jawesomehoe's favorite FMLs
Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
by halliemarie1818 / 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm / United States / Animals
Today, a couple stopped me on the beach to take a picture of them kissing in front of the sunset. I agreed feeling generous, until they continued making out after the picture was taken, leaving me standing there awkwardly with their camera. FML
by unknown / 04/07/2013 at 12:26am / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I was very worried about my girlfriend of two years. She has recently moved into her apartment, and I hadn't heard from her for four days. Don't worry, though, she's fine. According to her mother's Facebook, she moved in with her old boyfriend. FML
by Anonymous / 04/07/2013 at 12:07am / United States (Virginia) / Love
by ziggers10 / 04/06/2013 at 11:19pm / United States / Love
Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML
by flea-bitten / 04/06/2013 at 3:41pm / United States / Work
by ohgodwhy / 04/06/2013 at 10:15am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I told my bald, goatee-sporting chemistry teacher that he looks like Walt from Breaking Bad. I quickly got sent to the principal's office and received a 3-day suspension for "slandering" my teacher by implying that he makes meth. FML
by me / 04/04/2013 at 4:07pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Ribbed for Her Disaster / 04/04/2013 at 12:04pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/03/2013 at 9:32am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love
Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. We got on the subject of theatre, and his dad brought up "The Book of Mormon", how finally someone was making fun of those "nasty, polygamist, cultist freaks", and if his son ever dated one, he would disown him. I'm Mormon. FML
by kenabrookee / 04/03/2013 at 1:48am / United States (California) / Love
by fuck YOLO / 04/03/2013 at 1:20am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by SayCheese / 04/02/2013 at 6:52pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by ItsAnanya / 04/02/2013 at 11:34am / India (Delhi) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/02/2013 at 5:22am / United States (New York) / Kids
by QuinnyZebrass / 04/02/2013 at 12:11am / United States (Arizona) / Work
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…