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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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james_lee_dakota's favorite FMLs
Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML
by Anonymous / 02/23/2013 at 1:27pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy
Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML
by cumhole / 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML
by what the FUCK / 08/15/2012 at 6:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend started a huge fight with me over how I don't have the right to have close female friends anymore. She ended up storming off, and won't return my calls. But no worries: she did just play the word "murder" in our game of Words With Friends. Very comforting. FML
by larSON5 / 08/15/2012 at 12:17pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, the air bag system in my car somehow malfunctioned, and the air bag inflated while I was driving, causing me to lose control and crash into a street light. I ended up with a badly bruised face because the air bag had already deflated by then. FML
by stupid_airbag / 08/13/2012 at 4:06am / Australia / Health
by Unwanted / 08/02/2012 at 2:50am / United States (California) / Work
by Anonymous / 07/15/2012 at 8:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/10/2012 at 2:23am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by BadIdea / 03/01/2012 at 4:23pm / France / Intimacy
by bunnyluver4545 / 01/11/2012 at 12:42am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML
by Danny / 01/07/2012 at 5:27am / Australia / Intimacy
Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML
by DocBastard / 12/16/2011 at 9:29pm / United States / Kids
by godhatesme / 12/10/2011 at 3:45am / United States / Intimacy
by Rumpkis / 12/04/2011 at 8:30pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
by perenoel / 12/03/2011 at 11:24am / France / Kids
- Today, I'm sick. This wouldn't be such a problem if I wasn't leaving for college in three days, and… Today, I forgot my headphones at home, which wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to be in the third… Today, I gave my dad whiplash. He was teaching me how to drive stick, and I let the clutch out too…