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jadedragon96's FML badges
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
jadedragon96's favorite FMLs
by confsused / 12/16/2013 at 12:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, is my little sister's 16th birthday. I spent my last $20 on a gift for her, cleaned the house for her party, made an ice cream cake, and got her a rose. What did I get? "I hope you kept the receipt for this. Oh, and stay in your room during my party." FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2013 at 3:25am / United States / Kids
by unlucky neighbors / 12/06/2013 at 4:36am / China (Shanghai) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
by thatsnotacat / 11/21/2013 at 12:52pm / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
by I don't know, son / 11/15/2013 at 8:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML
by thisguy / 10/08/2013 at 5:55am / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/01/2013 at 4:25pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love
by Ggirl / 10/01/2013 at 3:41pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by NestHead / 10/01/2013 at 1:32pm / Russian Federation (Moscow City) / Animals
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner and have to leave in shame. FML
by :( / 09/28/2013 at 5:24pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
Today, my mom bumped into a table with a glass vase on it. Seeing that the vase was about to fall, I lunged to catch it. Before I got there, the vase fell and shattered, resulting in me diving into the broken shards. FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2013 at 1:44pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I brought my Japanese girlfriend home for dinner with my family for the first time. They all got drunk and made heaps of racist jokes right in front of us. My dad forgot her name and started calling her "Rice Ball" instead. FML
by Thanks everyone / 08/28/2013 at 6:35pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love
Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids, when a girl in line next to us slipped a hand down her boyfriend's pants and started groping him. I politely asked her to stop, to which she snorted, "Why? Your kids've gotta learn the birds and bees somehow." FML
by pda / 08/24/2013 at 10:46pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/23/2013 at 10:29am / United States / Love
by NotInterested / 08/23/2013 at 2:23am / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, I discovered that if I work out, I can't get an erection, but if I don't work out, my penis… Today, I told a cashier I always bullshit with that I was getting a new tattoo. She shook her head… Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her,…
- Today, I had to put my wonderful dog in a shelter because when I went to renew my lease my landlord… Today my brother got his 5th grade project back that my mom forced me to do for him. He got a C-.… Today, my girlfriend who traveled over 3,000 miles 1 year ago to move in with me is cheating on me.…