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j0rdan12345's favorite FMLs
by look how totally not racist I am! / 07/10/2014 at 11:32pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked in on my 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend. They were standing in my bathroom, both naked from the waist down. Supposedly, he was trying to "teach her how to pee standing up." FML
by help me / 06/01/2014 at 11:51am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy
Today, my husband and I announced at a family get-together that I'm pregnant with our fourth child. My dad sighed, and spent the rest of the evening acting moody and eventually muttering about how he'd raised a "damned brood mare." FML
by Anonyname / 05/18/2014 at 3:14pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by Makeitdance / 05/11/2014 at 10:46am / United States (California) / Work
by fuck off, eh! / 03/07/2014 at 4:25pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by disappointed / 09/20/2013 at 12:30pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by lifesucks0925 / 09/06/2013 at 3:01am / United States (California) / Work
by madiison09 / 04/01/2013 at 1:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML
by cthulhu help me / 03/01/2013 at 1:22pm / United States (Arkansas) / Work
by Forever alone Guy / 02/19/2013 at 6:07pm / Australia (Victoria) / Love
Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML
by idiot / 01/04/2013 at 5:13am / Sweden / Health
Today, I was in the shower, when I heard my daughter scream and shout, "Mommy, mommy! Help! Come quick!" I panicked and rushed downstairs without even looking for a towel to cover myself, all so I could find out she'd just gotten a piece of dirt on her shoe. FML
by Sh*t / 07/02/2012 at 5:17pm / Venezuela (Distrito Federal) / Kids
Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML
by Anna / 06/15/2012 at 5:43am / United States (California) / Animals
by Anonymous / 06/10/2012 at 2:24am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, as I was crossing an intersection, a car ran a red light and almost hit me. This kind of thing happens a lot in my town so I'm used to almost being run-down, except this time it was a small boy on his father's lap steering. The dad was laughing. FML
by Diffy / 04/26/2012 at 7:49am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous