j0rdan12345

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Offline (the 11/21/2014 at 5:47am)

j0rdan12345

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 7 August 1996 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 559
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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j0rdan12345's page activity

Visits<b>bingo__O</b> - the 12/06/2014 at 1:01pm<b>i_love_him_</b> - the 11/24/2014 at 4:40pm<b>macncheeze97</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 12:56am<b>paramor3</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 7:54am<b>cohnsonj</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 6:53am<b>Grandmastasexy</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 6:35pm<b>Iceking224</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 10:28pm<b>im_fran</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 7:58am<b>beach_babe3</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 9:23pm<b>Amber_Naomy</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 11:16am<b>captaininouille</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 4:52pm<b>mfaizsiddiqui</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 5:00pm<b>hurtfeet</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 4:07am<b>jonchavez</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 9:37pm

j0rdan12345's FML badges

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You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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j0rdan12345's favorite FMLs

Today, I was stuck on a campus tour with my subtly racist mother who, in an attempt to seem open-minded, deemed it appropriate to refer to our black tour guide as "Sistah". FML

by look how totally not racist I am! / 07/10/2014 at 11:32pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend. They were standing in my bathroom, both naked from the waist down. Supposedly, he was trying to "teach her how to pee standing up." FML

by help me / 06/01/2014 at 11:51am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy

Today, my husband and I announced at a family get-together that I'm pregnant with our fourth child. My dad sighed, and spent the rest of the evening acting moody and eventually muttering about how he'd raised a "damned brood mare." FML

by Anonyname / 05/18/2014 at 3:14pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, a customer asked me how long our 6-inch sandwich was. FML

by Makeitdance / 05/11/2014 at 10:46am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my hippy nutjob of a roommate threw a bitch fit at me, all because he saw me chopping down a tree in Minecraft. FML

by fuck off, eh! / 03/07/2014 at 4:25pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my daughter shaving the testicles of her boyfriend, who had apparently snuck in through her window. FML

by disappointed / 09/20/2013 at 12:30pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML

by lifesucks0925 / 09/06/2013 at 3:01am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I got a letter from Yale law school saying I got a 4 year full scholarship. I called my dad crying and read the whole thing... even the bottom, which said, "April fools! Love mom and dad." FML

by madiison09 / 04/01/2013 at 1:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML

by cthulhu help me / 03/01/2013 at 1:22pm / United States (Arkansas) / Work

Today, I've been single for so long my grandmother had to ask if I actually like women or not. FML

by Forever alone Guy / 02/19/2013 at 6:07pm / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML

by idiot / 01/04/2013 at 5:13am / Sweden / Health

Today, I was in the shower, when I heard my daughter scream and shout, "Mommy, mommy! Help! Come quick!" I panicked and rushed downstairs without even looking for a towel to cover myself, all so I could find out she'd just gotten a piece of dirt on her shoe. FML

by Sh*t / 07/02/2012 at 5:17pm / Venezuela (Distrito Federal) / Kids

Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML

by Anna / 06/15/2012 at 5:43am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I used a prank app, where you shake the cell, and it makes the screen looks cracked. I ended up losing my grip on the phone. It went flying, and it is now cracked for real. FML

by Anonymous / 06/10/2012 at 2:24am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was crossing an intersection, a car ran a red light and almost hit me. This kind of thing happens a lot in my town so I'm used to almost being run-down, except this time it was a small boy on his father's lap steering. The dad was laughing. FML

by Diffy / 04/26/2012 at 7:49am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous