itsjohannna

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Offline (the 09/09/2014 at 1:08am)

itsjohannna

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3441
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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itsjohannna's page activity

Visits<b>cartoonboy</b> - the 12/02/2014 at 10:24pm<b>Garagedwella</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 6:06pm<b>bingo__O</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 6:29pm<b>persianjr</b> - the 08/25/2014 at 10:06pm<b>Ichiya</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 6:36pm<b>Infamous278</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 11:43pm<b>DFizzlio</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 11:11pm<b>SkittlesGoRawr</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 3:01am<b>thatrandomchick2</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 10:51pm<b>ChenEighty</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 2:21pm<b>moonlightknight</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 3:00pm<b>emxy92</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 10:01am<b>smartypants9</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 11:19pm<b>Mylyfesuxs</b> - the 02/16/2014 at 4:14pm<b>dman1997</b> - the 01/15/2014 at 11:53pm<b>Faith13</b> - the 01/05/2014 at 6:42pm<b>BassTurdo</b> - the 01/04/2014 at 4:12pm<b>ClaireWinchester</b> - the 07/28/2013 at 4:34pm

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itsjohannna's favorite FMLs

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML

by very punny / 09/02/2014 at 11:18pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, while undergoing the cumbersome task of screwing the tiny silver ball onto my lip piercing, I clumsily dropped it onto the counter and watched it bounce into the trash can, where it nestled snugly into a used maxi pad. FML

by akieferr / 09/02/2014 at 10:41pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister introduced me to her new, deaf boyfriend. She proudly proclaimed that she was trying to learn sign language for his sake, so he wouldn't have to read her lips. I'm also deaf and have been trying to get her to do the same for me for 20 goddamn years. FML

by SadAndDeaf / 09/02/2014 at 7:38pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

by anonymous / 09/02/2014 at 2:58pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I went out with my best friend to McDonald's for a late night snack. Turns out she lied to me and just used me to pick up the boy she likes so they could go stargazing. I'm now laying beside them as they look at the stars and make out. I just want fries. FML

by emilyparker / 08/31/2014 at 10:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I won a gruelling fitness competition, only to find out the mystery prize was a voucher to get 10 free spray tans. I'm black. FML

by disappointedjamaican / 08/31/2014 at 2:44pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 8 year old son asked me why he had to make his bed everyday if he would just use it again. I replied with, "You flush the toilet even though you're going to use it again, right?" He said, "Good point." Now he's not making his bed or flushing the toilet. FML

by sam_666777 / 08/29/2014 at 10:54pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, it's my fourth day of my trip to the USA. I've actually started keeping count of the number of times people get confused because I was born in South Africa and yet am not black. Current count: 9. FML

by WTF, guys? / 08/26/2014 at 12:22pm / United States (California) / Holidays

Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML

by Anonymous / 08/25/2014 at 1:44am / United States (Ohio) / Geek

Today, my dad and I got into an argument, and he ended up calling me a son of a bitch. My mom heard and started arguing with him over him calling her a bitch. Three hours later, I'm now staying at my gran's house with my mom and hoping her threats of a divorce weren't for real. FML

by sonofaneuroticwench / 08/20/2014 at 4:08pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, it's the 16th day of my period. FML

by BagelTheOtaku / 08/20/2014 at 1:15am / United States (Georgia) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

by drunk under 18 teenager / 08/19/2014 at 9:37am / Morocco (Marrakech-Tensift-Al Haouz) / Geek

Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML

by Degueusement / 08/18/2014 at 12:48am / Intimacy

Today, my boss threw out the report I wrote for the board of directors. He said that if it were legal, he'd smash me in the balls with a brick for using Comic Sans. I had to do the whole thing again in another font with my coworkers snickering at me. FML

by Anonymous / 08/15/2014 at 5:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

by emmamrose7 / 08/14/2014 at 11:36pm / United States (California) / Intimacy