itsalanis

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itsalanis

8Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 June 1992 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 9536
  • Number of comments : 242
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About itsalanis : I'm Alan. Some people like to nickname me Alanis instead.

itsalanis's page activity

Visits<b>Butterflies777</b> - the 07/21/2016 at 6:16pm<b>yanalynch</b> - the 07/20/2016 at 6:00am<b>2simz</b> - the 07/14/2016 at 11:15pm<b>JazzlaWazz</b> - the 07/06/2016 at 1:36pm<b>Tripartita</b> - the 07/05/2016 at 9:39pm<b>gradius1002</b> - the 06/15/2016 at 5:28pm<b>ebroks</b> - the 06/05/2016 at 4:32am<b>Imagino1234</b> - the 06/03/2016 at 1:39pm<b>the_aspect</b> - the 05/23/2016 at 11:57pm<b>aclark2523</b> - the 05/17/2016 at 1:22pm<b>OneOnJuanAction</b> - the 05/12/2016 at 3:27pm<b>DontClickOnMe</b> - the 05/02/2016 at 12:54am<b>FalloutScrolls</b> - the 04/11/2016 at 3:17pm<b>kokopuffs3</b> - the 04/10/2016 at 12:34am<b>Sansa_Kroma</b> - the 04/09/2016 at 9:47am<b>individual00</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 3:15pm<b>aimeeowl</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 1:19pm<b>FitFriday</b> - the 04/01/2016 at 1:19pm

Fucked!<b>the_aspect</b> - the 05/24/2016 at 5:57am<b>Sansa_Kroma</b> - the 04/09/2016 at 3:47pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/15/2016 at 6:17am<b>Seabass_Chan</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 8:47am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 5:43am<b>blahblah005</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 4:05am<b>martin8337</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 6:28am<b>rhysfucker</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 2:42am

itsalanis's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Facebook

Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

See all of itsalanis's badges

itsalanis's favorite FMLs

Today, thanks to the unholy power of autocorrect, I told my mother-in-law that "crispy dick" is on the menu tonight. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2016 at 7:29pm / United Kingdom (St. Helens) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had sex with my sister, but it's ok because I'm better in bed. He seriously doesn't understand why I dumped his sorry ass. FML

by thegirlwiththedumbassbf / 03/23/2016 at 6:58pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, as a mascot for a pet store, I had to fake my own death to stop a little girl having a temper tantrum because she couldn't take me home. FML

by Wolf6661 / 03/14/2016 at 2:29pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, as a mascot for a pet store, I had to fake my own death to stop a little girl having a temper tantrum because she couldn't take me home. FML

by Wolf6661 / 03/14/2016 at 2:29pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I accidentally forwarded a link to a weird fart porn video to my chat group. They've been silent for 30 minutes now. FML

by Anonymous / 02/06/2016 at 12:55am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2016 at 1:40am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I was washing my boobs in the shower when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I got super turned on at the sight of my large breasts all soaped up. I'm a man. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2015 at 9:19am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend called me at work and said, "I hate to do this over the phone..." I burst into tears, thinking he was going to break up with me. Turns out he only ate my last doughnut. Now my co-workers think I'm a weirdo. FML

by Porche / 11/12/2015 at 11:24am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, my dad got dressed up in formal clothes, and I asked what the occasion was. He said he had a hot date, which would've been fine if he hadn't told me what was "on the menu", namely "wining, dining, sixty-nining". Thanks for that image. FML

by ew / 11/03/2015 at 10:43am / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my first open job interview, which is when a group of applicants are interviewed together. I also found out that despite being great at one-on-one interviews, I will panic and make myself look like a complete moron when I'm part of a group. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2015 at 9:07am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML

by davetherave1983 / 09/09/2015 at 1:09am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Health

Today, I was having a rough day, so I decided to go to the movies to unwind. 15 minutes in, some assmunch behind me said "This movie sucks!" then dumped his drink over my head and ran out. FML

by zaynemaliksvagina / 06/24/2015 at 1:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard my sister screaming from the basement, "Don't you hit me, you asshole!" Knowing her boyfriend was over, I ran downstairs with my baseball bat, ready to smash the fucker hitting my sister. Turns out they were just playing Mario Kart and he rammed her off the edge of a bridge. FML

by baberuth / 06/19/2015 at 6:21pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my District Manager was impressed by all the appointments in my upcoming calendar. Bubbling with pride, I blurted out "Oh, I just love to have all my slots filled!" The awkward silence was only broken by "That's what she said!" from the next cubicle. FML

by officeditz / 06/03/2015 at 9:59pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, my girlfriend and I somehow got into the conversation of what the weirdest thing we have ever found in food was. She said she found paper in her fortune cookie; she was serious. FML

by Random737193 / 05/07/2015 at 3:52pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love