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itouchguy360's favorite FMLs
by ugh annoying / 07/01/2011 at 3:41am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/04/2011 at 12:42am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML
by Malakai / 02/02/2011 at 12:57am / United States / Kids
Today, after a few months of my neighbors friend parking outside his house and honking until he came outside, I happened to be out doing lawn work. I politely screamed "STOP HONKING YOUR F***ING HORN!" To which they responded by moving in front of MY house and holding down their horn. I hate people. FML
by Myself / 09/06/2010 at 6:45am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on my grandparents' computer looking for my old high school resume. I came across a word document titled "Experiences". Thinking it was part of my resume, I opened it up and started reading. It was a brief, yet explicit record of my grandfather's recent sexual frustrations. FML
by nick / 01/28/2010 at 12:00am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I was at lunch with my mom and we were talking about how to tell my brother that Santa Clause isn't real. After we finished our conversation, I heard someone crying. Little did I know, two little kids and their parents were sitting in the booth behind me. FML
by TooTallNiCo / 11/28/2009 at 12:36pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were gazing into each others' eyes in the moonlight after not having seen each other for a week. I thought he was going to say "I love you" and pull me in for a kiss. Instead, he said, "Since you can’t drive, we should get one of those two seater bicycles." FML
by tjcl / 11/28/2009 at 1:32am / United States (California) / Love
by usmcgirl / 11/17/2009 at 10:18pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by MadSon / 10/10/2009 at 10:59pm / United States (Minnesota) / Money
by 310 / 10/09/2009 at 2:42am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by P0wned / 09/29/2009 at 5:21pm / France (Bretagne) / Love
Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML
by benander / 09/15/2009 at 5:14pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/14/2009 at 5:41am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Miscellaneous
by ginny / 09/10/2009 at 1:18pm / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML
by WOCOACH / 09/09/2009 at 3:33pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing my dad said to him was "So, how… Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star… Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first…