About ilytyvm : When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and wonder how the fuck you got grape juice.
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ilytyvm's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to a local Asian restaurant where this adorable Japanese girl works as a server. We had formed a friendship and I was hoping for something more, but I decided to play "hard-to-get" for the last couple of weeks. When I went there today, the place was closed. Permanently. FML
by Talented73 / 07/19/2016 at 10:54pm / United States (New York) / Love
by :x / 02/03/2016 at 10:40am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML
by Anonymous / 06/19/2015 at 9:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML
by fuck right off / 04/04/2015 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Leicestershire) / Health
Today, at work, I tripped and fell face-first into a food display. As I picked myself up, totally humiliated, I tripped again and fell right back into it, earning a bunch of pitying looks from nearby customers. FML
by Anonymous / 04/04/2015 at 10:35am / France (Bretagne) / Work
by punaise ... / 12/04/2014 at 9:12pm / France (Franche-Comte) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/17/2014 at 5:00pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/30/2014 at 1:45pm / United States (Oregon) / Love
by super maman / 09/29/2014 at 11:08pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Kids
Today, I was flipping out because I couldn't find my wallet, and after several hours of cussing myself out, I went downstairs to make breakfast. I poured cereal into my bowl and my wallet flopped out with the Honey Nut Cheerios. I need to stop drinking. FML
by KasSmoke / 09/29/2014 at 10:13pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got up at 4.30am, like I do every morning, and got ready for work. Just as I was about to walk out the door, my flatmate jumped me and beat the snot out of me thinking I was a burglar. Because apparently burglars shower, make toast and clean up before stealing all your shit. FML
by makeyourselfathome / 09/17/2014 at 8:18am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, while undergoing the cumbersome task of screwing the tiny silver ball onto my lip piercing, I clumsily dropped it onto the counter and watched it bounce into the trash can, where it nestled snugly into a used maxi pad. FML
by akieferr / 09/02/2014 at 10:41pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my 8 year old son asked me why he had to make his bed everyday if he would just use it again. I replied with, "You flush the toilet even though you're going to use it again, right?" He said, "Good point." Now he's not making his bed or flushing the toilet. FML
by sam_666777 / 08/29/2014 at 10:54pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by boob sisters / 07/02/2014 at 1:01pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by BrefODM / 06/12/2014 at 11:15pm / United Kingdom / Health
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…