Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (2 hours ago) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Raleigh, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 6 October 1999 (16 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 732
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 16 posted

About ilovemonkeybutts : hi I love cats. I'm only 16 so if you're a creep and over 20, don't message me

ilovemonkeybutts's page activity

Visits<b>ToxicLover29</b> - 14 hours ago<b>Wontonfon</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 12:43pm<b>Greatsoulme</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 6:16am<b>Hunter_the_Ninja</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 11:07pm<b>97mailo</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 9:05pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 11/17/2015 at 11:16pm<b>boultzboi</b> - the 11/17/2015 at 10:53pm<b>blackfire20</b> - the 11/17/2015 at 5:57am<b>YTfangirl</b> - the 11/17/2015 at 1:36am<b>beeferjay</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 5:15pm<b>Toonice45</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 1:55am<b>gratez</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 8:23pm<b>closedrouge</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 4:06pm<b>nhatt</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 2:40pm<b>THEDUDE1553566</b> - the 11/13/2015 at 11:08pm<b>ScenePanda45</b> - the 11/13/2015 at 10:16pm<b>cmchappy</b> - the 11/13/2015 at 4:30pm<b>Patriots21</b> - the 11/12/2015 at 9:31pm

Fucked!<b>closedrouge</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 10:06pm<b>THEDUDE1553566</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 5:07am<b>ScenePanda45</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 3:50am<b>cmchappy</b> - the 11/13/2015 at 9:49pm<b>youngmessi252525</b> - the 11/09/2015 at 4:58am<b>CaptainSmith28</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 7:00am<b>TacoloverSWE</b> - the 11/05/2015 at 6:07pm<b>anythingrandom</b> - the 11/05/2015 at 3:11pm<b>warrenhoward42</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 3:57am<b>the_aspect</b> - the 11/03/2015 at 1:13am<b>lukian</b> - the 10/27/2015 at 4:37am<b>Lars93</b> - the 10/25/2015 at 7:11pm<b>nhatt</b> - the 10/25/2015 at 1:57am<b>A07</b> - the 10/24/2015 at 8:11pm<b>amine91</b> - the 10/16/2015 at 6:38pm<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 10/09/2015 at 4:10am<b>JimmyL_101</b> - the 10/07/2015 at 5:37am<b>americanafrican</b> - the 10/05/2015 at 11:17pm

ilovemonkeybutts's FML badges

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of ilovemonkeybutts's badges

ilovemonkeybutts's favorite FMLs

Today, I noticed a guy checking out my ass in the mirror behind the bar where I work. He was cute, so I thought I'd put on a little show. I bent over to reach for something near the floor, which caused me to let rip a series of uncontrollable farts, like popping bubble wrap. He quickly left. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23764) - you deserved it (9808)

On 10/20/2015 at 6:13am - love - by bubblewrap (woman) - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, I woke up with a swollen lump on my throat. It's extremely painful. My dad named it Gretchen and now talks about it as if it's a person. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28911) - you deserved it (2482)

On 12/04/2014 at 10:29pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend bought me some feminine cleansing wipes for my birthday so I could, "get the hoo-ha spick-and-span." FML


I agree, your life sucks (36751) - you deserved it (6362)

On 11/30/2014 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by fishtacos (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a round of applause. Too bad it was from my thighs as I went down the stairs. FML

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45438) - you deserved it (13268)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I listened to a little girl explain how her scabs taste great with lemon juice. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42630) - you deserved it (4062)

On 08/18/2014 at 11:13am - kids - by Stellarum (woman) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex and in the heat of the moment I cried out for him to go harder. He had an exasperated expression on his face, and in an adamantly offended tone he said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he stopped and left the room. FML


I agree, your life sucks (62182) - you deserved it (8775)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:27pm - intimacy - by belljars (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML


I agree, your life sucks (60126) - you deserved it (7100)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:48am - animals - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML


I agree, your life sucks (64165) - you deserved it (9687)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was taking my dog for a walk and forgot a bag to pick up his poop, since it's illegal to not pick it up in my town. Right as my dog started to take a dump, a cop car drove by and continued to watch me as I was forced to pick up the poop with my bare hands. FML


I agree, your life sucks (47303) - you deserved it (21613)

On 03/02/2013 at 10:32am - animals - by yikes - United States

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43532) - you deserved it (6116)

On 12/24/2012 at 2:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I was at the park with my friends. We were all having fun on the swings, when out of nowhere I heard a thud, followed by a child crying. Turns out I accidentally kicked him in the head. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25439) - you deserved it (7553)

On 03/19/2012 at 4:18pm - kids - by Evelyn - United States

Today, my boyfriend showed me a YouTube video of him popping a huge blackhead on his forehead. He told me he had been "growing" it for more than 2 years now. I have been caressing and kissing that thing for almost 2 years because I thought it was a beauty mark. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34345) - you deserved it (16348)

On 09/26/2011 at 12:58pm - misc - by Yuuucky (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, the police were canvassing my neighbourhood about a recent robbery. When I answered the door, my brother saw badges, panicked, and jumped out our apartment's third-storey window in an attempt to escape. He thought they were after him for using a bong two weeks ago. I'm related to this twit. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35091) - you deserved it (3417)

On 07/25/2011 at 10:10am - misc - by Bec (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Mselle Risa's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • FML Pics : The top 4 pics
  • They say that a picture is worth a boring bunch of words thrown at you by a corporate robot. That's true. Corporate robots are the worst. Anyway, the FML Pics app is still being downloaded all over the…

Tuesday 24 November 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: